Wow, 4 months left of the year 2009 and where and why did it go? Did I even have time to breathe? September is the usual appointments of doctors and nails and getting hair done. Babysit for Audrey 2 days a week keeps me busy too but I love it. Wish Kyndra were here too. Finally met with my new doctor only for him to tell me he is leaving. What????? I just got here, was it something I said? Bring on the new one. We became new members to the First Church of the Nazarene in Findlay in Feb and we are helping out with the "Twice Blessed Sale". This is all new to me and when I walked in the gym my jaw dropped. The whole gym was nothing but baby and kids clothing, toys, furniture, etc. anything and everything you need for babies and kids. Never saw anything like it in my life. We love our church. (more on that later)
On the 26th Katrina, Audrey and myself went to Holly's to stay the weekend, for the March of Dimes walk in memory of Carleigh. John and Jason went on a hunt. We had a great time of fun and laughter and just spending time together. My sister, Nancy and her daughter Amber, and her sons came too . What fun making memories, poor Anthony being the only guy with all the women but he was a trooper. I think he liked the company too.
Here comes October and right away on the 1st Holly and Anthony celebrate their 4 year wedding anniversary. Hard to believe that they also have been married 4 years too. They had a Roman themed wedding and it was so beautiful with the colors and the columns. I hope they have many years of making memories too and loving each other more deeply as time passes.
Anthony celebrated his birthday on the 19th. He is getting wiser as each year passes, you are aren't you?
November is here and with the arrival of it we realize there isn't much time left of 2009. But, before it leaves us we had an addition to our family tree. Kinsey Marie Motter was born on November 5, 2009. She looks like her sister, which in turn looks like the Motter family side. At least as they get older they look like Katrina (sorry Jason). She is so beautiful regardless of who she looks like Which is a gift from God just for us, to help in our healing of sorrow. "Thank you Jesus"!! We also have a wedding and a baby shower thrown in there to round out the month.
DECEMBER------- Finally it has arrived!!!!!!!! It started with the usual yearly tests for me and a much needed rest and getaway for the family at the cabin in Michigan. The whole family went and was greeted to a foot and a half of snow and the girls sledding for the first time. They never wanted to come in. Watching them sled downhill was funny , balancing themselves all the way. The older kids went snowmobiling and cousin Kristen went along too. She loves being with the family and is a joy to have a long. Then the Christmas season arrived and the granddaughters were so much fun to watch and see the joy in their eyes. Of course they got tired easy and slept but it made Christmas last longer too. I of course turned another year older and quite frankly don't feel it. I think it is the granddaughters who keep me young, John says no it is me getting old. I say don't burst my bubble.
I wonder as I get older now what my purpose is in this world. What am I here for? What do you want me to do? What am I to do for you with the time I have left? I think as I get older i think of my mortality and it makes me wonder into a whole new realm. The church we are members of now mean so much to us. The sermons are so meaningful that they stick with us through the week. The people greet you and smile as if we have always been there. No place like home and that is home to us. Thank you God for taking us from an emptiness to a fullness again.
Yes, as I sit here writing about our year and all our family has endured. The gut wrenching pain to the side splitting happiness and we realize God has been with us and leading us every step of the way. He truly knows what is best for us if we just take the time to listen and talk to him.
He has taken me personally to places I never thought I would go physically and spiritually and without him I would have been a failure at its best. But thankful for the blessings he has bestowed on me and my family for 2009 regardless of the pain that still lingers in our hearts. May 2010 be a year our family draws ever closer to him and through our walk may we lead someone else to him. He is so good and we are thankful we live in a country where we can serve and love him. May 2010 be everything you want it to be for you and your family and may you reach out to him and grow in your walk with him and love him like he loves you. Bless you all in the next decade, and Goodbye and Farewell to 2009!!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Goodbye-Farewell Part 2
You probably didn't think this was going to be a book now did you? Wow, here it is already May. The month was spent with appointments and weddings. 3 out of the 4 weekends to be exact! May 5th John and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary! It is true what they say that love grows deeper the longer you are married. I don't know what I would ever do without him because he IS the love of my life and without him my life is nothing! I love you Honey, hope we have many more years of happiness. Now the arrival of June and warm weather and summer... Yippee!!!!! The month is nail and hair appointments and of course Holly's birthday on the 20th. It will be her day to pick a place she likes to eat and celebrate.
July is here and the pool is open and looking good. The dogs are loving it any way. We have our usual appointments for the month and John went to the races with the Haas family. Jason and Katrina took off for Michigan to the cabin for their anniversary celebration. Gosh, it has been 4 years already!!!! I remember how much fun it was planning that tropical wedding and the day was so much fun. Here is to many more for them to enjoy!!!
August is upon us now and I stayed with Holly and Kyndra 2 out of the 4 weeks while Anthony was gone. Love spending time with them but miss being home too. On the 15th we had our yearly cousin get together. the girls and their children enjoy the pool and cookout and time well spent together talking and laughing and making memories. Decided they will do it every year. Yes, these 4 months weren't has hectic as the last 4 but we needed time to relax and enjoy the summer, it goes by so quickly.
July is here and the pool is open and looking good. The dogs are loving it any way. We have our usual appointments for the month and John went to the races with the Haas family. Jason and Katrina took off for Michigan to the cabin for their anniversary celebration. Gosh, it has been 4 years already!!!! I remember how much fun it was planning that tropical wedding and the day was so much fun. Here is to many more for them to enjoy!!!
August is upon us now and I stayed with Holly and Kyndra 2 out of the 4 weeks while Anthony was gone. Love spending time with them but miss being home too. On the 15th we had our yearly cousin get together. the girls and their children enjoy the pool and cookout and time well spent together talking and laughing and making memories. Decided they will do it every year. Yes, these 4 months weren't has hectic as the last 4 but we needed time to relax and enjoy the summer, it goes by so quickly.
Goodbye--Farewell
Fooled you, didn't I? You were a little bit curious by the title and had to check it out. Wow, where has the year went. The days fly by so quickly now. Is it that I am just getting older and notice it or is the earth moving faster? I'd like to think it is the later because I don't feel old, yet.
This year has been something to remember. On January 10, our first granddaughter , Kyndra Renee Haas turned 1 year old. The time flies and it seems like just yesterday she was born. the happiness she has brought her "Papa and Gamma" is more than I can ever describe. She has been a pure joy to watch grow over the past year. January 12, marked the 2 year my beloved Angel (Rottweiler) passed away. I sure do miss her alot. On February 10, our second granddaughter, Audrey Lynn Motter turned 1 year old. I remember her party and the crying she did. That's what happens when you miss a nap. but she liked her party and the people that showered her with love and affection. I remember the day she was born and will the rest of my life. She was the first thing I had ever seen born and I cried like a baby myself just watching this miracle enter the world and here she is now turning 1. Then on the 25th, the love of my life had his birthday. He still looks pretty good to me and still makes my heart go pitter-patter. The months so far are pretty good.
Then the dreary month of March comes upon us. On March 14, the Wilmington Church of the Nazarene has a "Prayer Shower" for Holly and Anthony. Much need prayers for our sweet little Carleigh, who we know ahead of time will not be long in this world and all the love and prayers are being sent to God to give us a miracle we long for. The 27th is our annual Pheasant 4-ever Banquet. But, we don't go this year because John and I make our way to Lees Creek to be with the kids. So, we send everyone else to the banquet on us to enjoy themselves and have a good time.
The day in history, March 28, 2009 at 3:49am our little Carleigh McKenna Haas was born still into this world. She weighed 3 # 15 oz. and was 13 1/2 " long. I remember that day too like it was yesterday. (A woman never forgets the birth of a child, regardless if it is hers or not) I can hear Anthony telling us all she didn't make it and that she never had a breath of life in her and I can still feel my whole body going numb and limp, and slowly falling to the floor.
I remember wanting to go as quickly as I could to see my daughter because my heart ached to be with her, after all she was MY baby. I left everyone else, went through the double doors as quickly as I could and ran down the hall to her room. Took a deep breath , opened the door and entered the room. I saw my daughter, holding her daughter in the shock and numbness of it all. Pale and staring at this daughter she gave birth too and wondering maybe what just happened. The look on her face said it all, I went to her bedside, leaned in to her and looked down and saw for myself this beautiful little soul of a girl that was already taken from us. I said to Holly, " Oh Honey, I am so very sorry, I am so sorry, I love you so much, She is so beautiful". I hugged MY daughter and fell to my knees by her bed and prayed to the Lord above for what just happened and I stayed there for along time, John wanting me to get up and trying to help me but I told him "No" I wanted to stay where I was. I cried the hardest I have ever cried in my life. Feeling a pain I never want to have again and wondering Why, Why, Why............ (More of this is posted on my blog, if you want to read it)
March 29, 2009 , we picked up the kids at the hospital and took them and Carleigh to the funeral home. Again a painful moment for me because it is getting to the final stages and no one wants to be here, especially the kids, this isn't the way it is suppose to be. Not our family, not this life, we don't want it. I remember going out on the porch of the funeral home to get some air and as I am standing there I have a secret plea with God. Are we allowed to have them? I don't know, but I did. My secret plea is "Why Lord? Why now? Why my kids? Lord, they are so young and want her so badly, why not me? Take me instead? I have lived a little longer, do you not want me? What is your purpose for me that you should keep me instead of my granddaughter?" This was my plea or bargain whatever you want to call it. Was I wrong? Does that make me a bad Christian to do that? I stayed with Holly that week and John just brought other clothes when he came back.
AHHH April has arrived. April 3, 2009 was Carleigh's visitation from 6-8 pm and there were lots of people that drove the distance just to give us their heartfelt sympathy. That was so nice of them and the lump in my throat every time a familiar face walked through the door. That lump went to the very pit of my stomach when the girls Holly works with at the hospital walked through the door and the love they had for my daughter in a strange place to me ( I am use to seeing her in my world of home and Carey). The love they have for her meant so much to me and Holly introduced me to each and every one of them (which meant the world to me, that my daughter would deem me so important to want to meet her new friends). I hugged them and thanked them for coming and told them how much I appreciated them for being a friend to my daughter and showing her love and compassion when I cant be there.
NO one wanted to leave the funeral home that night especially the kids, leaving Carleigh behind, how could we.... but, we knew we had to, so we did...
April 4, 2009,The day we say our final goodbyes. Ahhhh, this wasn't going to be easy at all.....
I am thankful for pictures because so much now is a blur (at least the small things) The music, the sermon, the special talks, the slide show. Sitting there with John in a pew, holding me, consoling each other, (he being the stronger one, as usual) and thinking this is all a dream but yet it wasn't. Still wondering why our family and what did it all mean, (I still have no clue) .
"Lord, did you pick our family because you thought we were a strong, well grounded , rooted in your word kind of family"? I'm not sure we are. "What do you see and others see in us that we cant see"? The pain is so unbearable I can hardly breathe, it hurts to breathe, and I lean into John and tell him to hold meas I feel his grip getting tighter and I hang on tighter crying even harder, that I am sure others can hear me but, somehow I don't care. It is between God and myself. We go through hugging and crying and walking out to head to the cemetery.
We are driving to the cemetery and it is along way out but such a serene place, so perfect for her and we go through the motions there and the service is concluded and we sit, and sit, and sit some more, no one knows what to do. We are numb and frozen in our seats. John's sister and mom finally walk up to us and starts hugging and then people start moving.I held on to her tight and cried and then Vicky came too and hugged her even tighter and cried and cried. This is so final and I am already missing my granddaughter and it is to much. Oh, Lord, take me away, I plead in my mind. Finally I get up and take a pink carnation from her casket spray, whisper "Grandma loves you very much Carleigh" and walk away. We finally make our way back to the church for the fellowship and the meal. It is much different on the end of such a thing to be the attendee instead of fixing the meal for someone else.
We round out the month for Katrina's birthday on the 26th, taking her to a favorite place to eat, I'm sure.
This year has been something to remember. On January 10, our first granddaughter , Kyndra Renee Haas turned 1 year old. The time flies and it seems like just yesterday she was born. the happiness she has brought her "Papa and Gamma" is more than I can ever describe. She has been a pure joy to watch grow over the past year. January 12, marked the 2 year my beloved Angel (Rottweiler) passed away. I sure do miss her alot. On February 10, our second granddaughter, Audrey Lynn Motter turned 1 year old. I remember her party and the crying she did. That's what happens when you miss a nap. but she liked her party and the people that showered her with love and affection. I remember the day she was born and will the rest of my life. She was the first thing I had ever seen born and I cried like a baby myself just watching this miracle enter the world and here she is now turning 1. Then on the 25th, the love of my life had his birthday. He still looks pretty good to me and still makes my heart go pitter-patter. The months so far are pretty good.
Then the dreary month of March comes upon us. On March 14, the Wilmington Church of the Nazarene has a "Prayer Shower" for Holly and Anthony. Much need prayers for our sweet little Carleigh, who we know ahead of time will not be long in this world and all the love and prayers are being sent to God to give us a miracle we long for. The 27th is our annual Pheasant 4-ever Banquet. But, we don't go this year because John and I make our way to Lees Creek to be with the kids. So, we send everyone else to the banquet on us to enjoy themselves and have a good time.
The day in history, March 28, 2009 at 3:49am our little Carleigh McKenna Haas was born still into this world. She weighed 3 # 15 oz. and was 13 1/2 " long. I remember that day too like it was yesterday. (A woman never forgets the birth of a child, regardless if it is hers or not) I can hear Anthony telling us all she didn't make it and that she never had a breath of life in her and I can still feel my whole body going numb and limp, and slowly falling to the floor.
I remember wanting to go as quickly as I could to see my daughter because my heart ached to be with her, after all she was MY baby. I left everyone else, went through the double doors as quickly as I could and ran down the hall to her room. Took a deep breath , opened the door and entered the room. I saw my daughter, holding her daughter in the shock and numbness of it all. Pale and staring at this daughter she gave birth too and wondering maybe what just happened. The look on her face said it all, I went to her bedside, leaned in to her and looked down and saw for myself this beautiful little soul of a girl that was already taken from us. I said to Holly, " Oh Honey, I am so very sorry, I am so sorry, I love you so much, She is so beautiful". I hugged MY daughter and fell to my knees by her bed and prayed to the Lord above for what just happened and I stayed there for along time, John wanting me to get up and trying to help me but I told him "No" I wanted to stay where I was. I cried the hardest I have ever cried in my life. Feeling a pain I never want to have again and wondering Why, Why, Why............ (More of this is posted on my blog, if you want to read it)
March 29, 2009 , we picked up the kids at the hospital and took them and Carleigh to the funeral home. Again a painful moment for me because it is getting to the final stages and no one wants to be here, especially the kids, this isn't the way it is suppose to be. Not our family, not this life, we don't want it. I remember going out on the porch of the funeral home to get some air and as I am standing there I have a secret plea with God. Are we allowed to have them? I don't know, but I did. My secret plea is "Why Lord? Why now? Why my kids? Lord, they are so young and want her so badly, why not me? Take me instead? I have lived a little longer, do you not want me? What is your purpose for me that you should keep me instead of my granddaughter?" This was my plea or bargain whatever you want to call it. Was I wrong? Does that make me a bad Christian to do that? I stayed with Holly that week and John just brought other clothes when he came back.
AHHH April has arrived. April 3, 2009 was Carleigh's visitation from 6-8 pm and there were lots of people that drove the distance just to give us their heartfelt sympathy. That was so nice of them and the lump in my throat every time a familiar face walked through the door. That lump went to the very pit of my stomach when the girls Holly works with at the hospital walked through the door and the love they had for my daughter in a strange place to me ( I am use to seeing her in my world of home and Carey). The love they have for her meant so much to me and Holly introduced me to each and every one of them (which meant the world to me, that my daughter would deem me so important to want to meet her new friends). I hugged them and thanked them for coming and told them how much I appreciated them for being a friend to my daughter and showing her love and compassion when I cant be there.
NO one wanted to leave the funeral home that night especially the kids, leaving Carleigh behind, how could we.... but, we knew we had to, so we did...
April 4, 2009,The day we say our final goodbyes. Ahhhh, this wasn't going to be easy at all.....
I am thankful for pictures because so much now is a blur (at least the small things) The music, the sermon, the special talks, the slide show. Sitting there with John in a pew, holding me, consoling each other, (he being the stronger one, as usual) and thinking this is all a dream but yet it wasn't. Still wondering why our family and what did it all mean, (I still have no clue) .
"Lord, did you pick our family because you thought we were a strong, well grounded , rooted in your word kind of family"? I'm not sure we are. "What do you see and others see in us that we cant see"? The pain is so unbearable I can hardly breathe, it hurts to breathe, and I lean into John and tell him to hold meas I feel his grip getting tighter and I hang on tighter crying even harder, that I am sure others can hear me but, somehow I don't care. It is between God and myself. We go through hugging and crying and walking out to head to the cemetery.
We are driving to the cemetery and it is along way out but such a serene place, so perfect for her and we go through the motions there and the service is concluded and we sit, and sit, and sit some more, no one knows what to do. We are numb and frozen in our seats. John's sister and mom finally walk up to us and starts hugging and then people start moving.I held on to her tight and cried and then Vicky came too and hugged her even tighter and cried and cried. This is so final and I am already missing my granddaughter and it is to much. Oh, Lord, take me away, I plead in my mind. Finally I get up and take a pink carnation from her casket spray, whisper "Grandma loves you very much Carleigh" and walk away. We finally make our way back to the church for the fellowship and the meal. It is much different on the end of such a thing to be the attendee instead of fixing the meal for someone else.
We round out the month for Katrina's birthday on the 26th, taking her to a favorite place to eat, I'm sure.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Birthday
Wow, It is hard for me to imagine how my mother must have felt being in the hospital giving birth to me on a holiday. Was she upset? Was she happy it was over? Or, was she just glad to see the miracle that God had just given her. I have been wondering lately what my purpose is being born on such a special day? You would think I would know that being the age I am but I don't. Maybe it is something i will have to really think about this coming year. I have the book "The Purpose Driven Life" so i will have to read it, huh?
I imagine my mother felt just a LITTLE bit like Mary when given birth to a baby born on Christmas Day. Did my mother wonder what life would be like for her child? Would her child be made fun of or ridiculed by others? Would her child be happy in life? Would she have to worry about her child as she became and adult? Definitely didn't have to suffer like JESUS did, but the present HE gave me, I can never begin to understand or comprehend.
I am just a girl with a Christmas Birthday. One that means more to me today than it did many years ago. Someday when I meet JESUS face to face I will ask him what my purpose was if I haven't figured it out by then.
I Thank him for giving me a father and mother whom I love with all my heart. The older I get the more I realize what little time we all have and we waste it by worrying to much, worrying what others think, being to busy,and not taking the time for the most important thing we have here on earth and that is FAMILY!!
So, to all MY family everywhere I want to say "I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!!" I had a great childhood that I remember and probably better birthdays than anyone else because I share my birthdays with JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I imagine my mother felt just a LITTLE bit like Mary when given birth to a baby born on Christmas Day. Did my mother wonder what life would be like for her child? Would her child be made fun of or ridiculed by others? Would her child be happy in life? Would she have to worry about her child as she became and adult? Definitely didn't have to suffer like JESUS did, but the present HE gave me, I can never begin to understand or comprehend.
I am just a girl with a Christmas Birthday. One that means more to me today than it did many years ago. Someday when I meet JESUS face to face I will ask him what my purpose was if I haven't figured it out by then.
I Thank him for giving me a father and mother whom I love with all my heart. The older I get the more I realize what little time we all have and we waste it by worrying to much, worrying what others think, being to busy,and not taking the time for the most important thing we have here on earth and that is FAMILY!!
So, to all MY family everywhere I want to say "I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!!" I had a great childhood that I remember and probably better birthdays than anyone else because I share my birthdays with JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wonder
I know my cousin Beth, has been wanting to see a post for quite some time and quite frankly just don't know what to write about anymore. Either that or I am busy and time flies by me, I would like to think the later. We just got home from church for the Christmas Eve candlelight service and as we are singing "Silent Night" I start to cry because once again I think of my little Carleigh.
How wonderful and exciting it must be to spend your first Christmas with Jesus!!! Not knowing about Heaven I can only imagine she is sitting on someones lap and is happy and laughing. And wanting us to be happy here on earth for her and for us. I don't think even as little as she is that she would want us to sit and mope around, or cry for her. She is in a far better place than us, a place we can only dream about while we are here. A place I personally vision that is the most beautiful (more beautiful than my Hawaii-lol). I don't even thin we can even begin to see the picture of how it is, so I will leave it at that. But, I know she has lots of relatives and friends looking out for her till we get there to be with her, that I am sure of.
I wonder what the New Year will bring? Or do I want to know? Perhaps not. But, whatever the Lord gives us we will take with grateful hearts and praise him for the things he has given us and the many bountiful blessings HE has given this family.
Yes, we could sit and wonder all day long but then we wouldn't get anything done, so to all of you who read this just be patient with me as I try to keep up with my writings and things to write about. I WILL keep it up Beth, I promise!
How wonderful and exciting it must be to spend your first Christmas with Jesus!!! Not knowing about Heaven I can only imagine she is sitting on someones lap and is happy and laughing. And wanting us to be happy here on earth for her and for us. I don't think even as little as she is that she would want us to sit and mope around, or cry for her. She is in a far better place than us, a place we can only dream about while we are here. A place I personally vision that is the most beautiful (more beautiful than my Hawaii-lol). I don't even thin we can even begin to see the picture of how it is, so I will leave it at that. But, I know she has lots of relatives and friends looking out for her till we get there to be with her, that I am sure of.
I wonder what the New Year will bring? Or do I want to know? Perhaps not. But, whatever the Lord gives us we will take with grateful hearts and praise him for the things he has given us and the many bountiful blessings HE has given this family.
Yes, we could sit and wonder all day long but then we wouldn't get anything done, so to all of you who read this just be patient with me as I try to keep up with my writings and things to write about. I WILL keep it up Beth, I promise!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Understanding
Why can't we understand? Why can't people try to understand? 8 months have passed and I know my writings seem like I have moved on and forgotten all before me. But, I haven't. the pain is still here. yes, we have a new one in the family but, is it fair to her to feel less love and mourn the one who is with Jesus and is happy? My heart says no, maybe that is Jesus whispering to me telling me so.
And i feel for my daughter even though my words and actions may not show it but, no one sees me in the quiet hours and my tears. A mother's grief is surely painful, but, a grandmother's is double the pain. Maybe I have never truly grieved I don't know. I only know what I feel in my heart and it comes in waves and i take it as it comes and deal accordingly.
I want to make......no, I will make a memorial spot on my wall for my dear granddaughter, Carleigh. I hold, feel, and see Kinsey (oh, I love her so much) but, I picture the granddaughter I can't hold, feel, or see. All I can do is create the memory to look at and it will HAVE TO be good enough till I see her face to face again.
I can never or will never be able to explain to anyone how this grief has been for me. It is hitting me every 28th of each month. May God continue to help me, help me to understand, help me grow in HIM and my faith in HIM. Help me to help others, Dear Lord to understand that my moving on and being happy doesn't mean I don't miss her terribly and love her with every depth of my heart and soul.
Help us all through this journey and the holidays and years ahead till we see her again.
Help people Lord, to understand that even though I may not speak of her often does not mean I have forgotten her. I will NEVER forget her.
I hold Kinsey (and future grandchildren) and wonder the WHAT IFS and WHYS. Thank you for loving me Lord and helping me through these holidays that lie ahead. I can only understand part of your pain in losing your SON for us. Help us all to feel worthy for the loss you GAVE us.
And i feel for my daughter even though my words and actions may not show it but, no one sees me in the quiet hours and my tears. A mother's grief is surely painful, but, a grandmother's is double the pain. Maybe I have never truly grieved I don't know. I only know what I feel in my heart and it comes in waves and i take it as it comes and deal accordingly.
I want to make......no, I will make a memorial spot on my wall for my dear granddaughter, Carleigh. I hold, feel, and see Kinsey (oh, I love her so much) but, I picture the granddaughter I can't hold, feel, or see. All I can do is create the memory to look at and it will HAVE TO be good enough till I see her face to face again.
I can never or will never be able to explain to anyone how this grief has been for me. It is hitting me every 28th of each month. May God continue to help me, help me to understand, help me grow in HIM and my faith in HIM. Help me to help others, Dear Lord to understand that my moving on and being happy doesn't mean I don't miss her terribly and love her with every depth of my heart and soul.
Help us all through this journey and the holidays and years ahead till we see her again.
Help people Lord, to understand that even though I may not speak of her often does not mean I have forgotten her. I will NEVER forget her.
I hold Kinsey (and future grandchildren) and wonder the WHAT IFS and WHYS. Thank you for loving me Lord and helping me through these holidays that lie ahead. I can only understand part of your pain in losing your SON for us. Help us all to feel worthy for the loss you GAVE us.
Friday, November 20, 2009
New Birth
Well, SHE IS HERE!!!!!!!!! Our little Kinsey Marie that is. She was born on Nov 5, 2009 and she is beautiful. Looks like her sister, Audrey. For all we have been through I wondered if God would bring happiness to us all again and he has in the form of this little girl, our granddaughter and niece. God had planned all along for this new miracle and sent her at this time for us as a family to help in our journey and our healing. And HE always knows what HE is doing. AND IT IS WORKING!!!!!!! She has melted our hearts and brought us joy. And like her sister and cousin she will be told all about our little Carleigh and she will know by the pictures who she is and grow up waiting like the rest of us to meet her again.
New Birth, nothing like it, to help us heal and love again. Thank you, Jesus, for knowing what we need even if we don't. Our family loves you and gives you praise for what you do for us and give to us.
New Birth, nothing like it, to help us heal and love again. Thank you, Jesus, for knowing what we need even if we don't. Our family loves you and gives you praise for what you do for us and give to us.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thoughts
Wow, Another day gone by, and time ticking as we speak into another new day that awaits us. I look forward to the new days, when you get to my age you are glad to see the new day. LOL
I think sometimes that I am not blogging enough on here like I did before, thinking I need something important to say or write about but, I am reminded by my cousin, Beth, that it is like a journal and I write what I want and when I want, not caring about anything else.
I think what troubles (not even the word I want but lacking another one) me is learning how to travel through my journey and it isn't as hard as Holly's journey but, it is mine none the less. I own it. I do well day to day when I try not to think about it and then WHAM it hits you. Is this how it will be till I die? The grief we feel for losing our little Carleigh, will it be like that for me?
Will others be that consumed someday when I am no longer here? What kind of a legacy will I leave? Never thought of this stuff when I was in my teens and 20's but it is true what they say as we get older we think of our mortality and things to come.
I want my legacy for my daughters and grandchildren to mean something, not just that mom and grandma wore her hair spiked, neon nail polish and bright colored clothes. (although I do and love it). Will they see Jesus in me? I think the grand kids will say "Grandma use to sing Jesus Loves Me to us ALL the time," because I do. When the girls get fussy I start singing and they quit right away and it brings m,e such joy to know that they love it. What else can I give them? I hope so much more and something that they will ALL talk about when they have down moments.
Carleigh has forever touched me, and the remarkable thing is she did that without even taking a breath!!! I hope she remembered me holding her and rocking her in the hospital and singing Jesus Loves Me to her. I am trying to make a memorial spot for her in the house and cant wait till it is done.
Beth, if you read this, I want you to know that you are the one person who I can talk to and you know how I feel and where I am coming from, from a mother and grandmother's point of view and you understand. I only wish you lived closer. Love you cousin!!
My thoughts tonight were to tell you, Carleigh, that grandma hasn't forgotten you and I miss you so much.
I think sometimes that I am not blogging enough on here like I did before, thinking I need something important to say or write about but, I am reminded by my cousin, Beth, that it is like a journal and I write what I want and when I want, not caring about anything else.
I think what troubles (not even the word I want but lacking another one) me is learning how to travel through my journey and it isn't as hard as Holly's journey but, it is mine none the less. I own it. I do well day to day when I try not to think about it and then WHAM it hits you. Is this how it will be till I die? The grief we feel for losing our little Carleigh, will it be like that for me?
Will others be that consumed someday when I am no longer here? What kind of a legacy will I leave? Never thought of this stuff when I was in my teens and 20's but it is true what they say as we get older we think of our mortality and things to come.
I want my legacy for my daughters and grandchildren to mean something, not just that mom and grandma wore her hair spiked, neon nail polish and bright colored clothes. (although I do and love it). Will they see Jesus in me? I think the grand kids will say "Grandma use to sing Jesus Loves Me to us ALL the time," because I do. When the girls get fussy I start singing and they quit right away and it brings m,e such joy to know that they love it. What else can I give them? I hope so much more and something that they will ALL talk about when they have down moments.
Carleigh has forever touched me, and the remarkable thing is she did that without even taking a breath!!! I hope she remembered me holding her and rocking her in the hospital and singing Jesus Loves Me to her. I am trying to make a memorial spot for her in the house and cant wait till it is done.
Beth, if you read this, I want you to know that you are the one person who I can talk to and you know how I feel and where I am coming from, from a mother and grandmother's point of view and you understand. I only wish you lived closer. Love you cousin!!
My thoughts tonight were to tell you, Carleigh, that grandma hasn't forgotten you and I miss you so much.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Jesus Loves Me
Sing it to the girls all the time-----------
Jesus Loves Me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak, but HE is strong.
Yes, Jesus Loves Kyndra and Carleigh
Yes, Jesus Loves Audrey
Yes, Jesus Loves Hannah
The Bible tells them so
Kyndra and Audrey will usually calm down and go to sleep when I sing it to them.
Thank you Jesus for loving me (us) and my little girls!!!
Jesus Loves Me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak, but HE is strong.
Yes, Jesus Loves Kyndra and Carleigh
Yes, Jesus Loves Audrey
Yes, Jesus Loves Hannah
The Bible tells them so
Kyndra and Audrey will usually calm down and go to sleep when I sing it to them.
Thank you Jesus for loving me (us) and my little girls!!!
Cold and Warmth
Fall is in the air and it is getting cooler, which I don't like at all. My hands and feet are getting colder and it hasn't even begun to get to the really cold stuff. My weekend at Holly's went great. We all had a lot of fun and enjoyed each other and of course all of the little ones. They would have really enjoyed themselves if the weather would have been nice and warm, we could have been outside on the swing set, but they had fun indoors too as you can tell by the videos on Holly's family blessing website.
God is good in the midst of it all, my daughter seems to be going through her journey day by day and with each new day God gives her more of a blessing. As we approach this holiday season i am reminded of how thankful we need to be. We have each other, our health, our homes, food, clothing, and most of all, the love of each other. God has blessed our family and soon he will add another to the mix, little baby Motter. How precious in his sight. Katrina is counting the days as she is so ready to give birth and have that part of the pregnancy behind her.
We miss our little angel, Carleigh very much but we know she is in a better place and Jesus is taking very good care of her till we get there, so for that reason we move on in the journey and look to the blessings and goodness he sends our way. it hurts and always will till we leave this earth behind, but the sadness becomes joy when we know HE will take care of our needs and put joy in our hearts. So, as this holiday season approaches, take the time to reflect on the good things he has done. If, we all dig a little deep we can find something that lies within to be grateful for.
God is good in the midst of it all, my daughter seems to be going through her journey day by day and with each new day God gives her more of a blessing. As we approach this holiday season i am reminded of how thankful we need to be. We have each other, our health, our homes, food, clothing, and most of all, the love of each other. God has blessed our family and soon he will add another to the mix, little baby Motter. How precious in his sight. Katrina is counting the days as she is so ready to give birth and have that part of the pregnancy behind her.
We miss our little angel, Carleigh very much but we know she is in a better place and Jesus is taking very good care of her till we get there, so for that reason we move on in the journey and look to the blessings and goodness he sends our way. it hurts and always will till we leave this earth behind, but the sadness becomes joy when we know HE will take care of our needs and put joy in our hearts. So, as this holiday season approaches, take the time to reflect on the good things he has done. If, we all dig a little deep we can find something that lies within to be grateful for.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Fun Times
We all went to the Columbus Zoo on Saturday and it was so much fun to get away and do something as a family. I really enjoy that and it brings me such happiness. No phones (well sorta), no computers, nothing to interfere with our time together. The girls loved it and they were fussy at times too but that was because they didn't want to rife in the strollers, they wanted to walk. We let them walk some times and they had a blast.
Watched the fish in the tanks and they tried to catch them, thought it was neat how they swam up to them. It is such a wonderful feeling to watch a child explore and have fun. The weather was nice with no rain. A lot of walking but good exercise. Sorry Katrina, if we made it bad for you, hopefully babyMotter didn't mind the walk. It will be great when she is born.
Yes, we should do more fun family things, to make the memories to keep with us. We shouldn't let life get so busy that we never have time to enjoy ourselves.
So, children of mine, think of our next adventure for us to explore and have fun. As long as it doesn't involve going in circles, getting to close to edges or drop offs, and nothing high to go down.
Thought you would like that.
Watched the fish in the tanks and they tried to catch them, thought it was neat how they swam up to them. It is such a wonderful feeling to watch a child explore and have fun. The weather was nice with no rain. A lot of walking but good exercise. Sorry Katrina, if we made it bad for you, hopefully babyMotter didn't mind the walk. It will be great when she is born.
Yes, we should do more fun family things, to make the memories to keep with us. We shouldn't let life get so busy that we never have time to enjoy ourselves.
So, children of mine, think of our next adventure for us to explore and have fun. As long as it doesn't involve going in circles, getting to close to edges or drop offs, and nothing high to go down.
Thought you would like that.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Misunderstood
I feel I must retract my last blog because of the feedback I have been receiving. First, I love my daughter with all my heart and would NEVER do anything to take her away from her computer because I know it is very therapeutic for her to be on and how she helps others through their journeys. Second, I had a talk with Holly this weekend and have worked it out between us. But, thank you all for being so concerned. It was never my intent to take her away from her computer and the blog world she likes. All I (we) wanted was to have some time with her like you all do in blog land. Maybe it is I who needs to stay away.
I write because it helps me also, not to hurt anyone else especially my daughter. I want her to spend as much time on here as she wants to help her heal if that is what it takes for her to go through her journey. I am very sorry if I offended anyone but as much as you all love her I love her more she is my daughter and baby and I want what is best for her. Thank you all for loving her too and helping her through this difficult time. My prayers are lifted to EVERY mother/family who has or had to endure this rough and difficult journey. Somehow we are connected and may we all be gentle with each other with the love and respect we ALL deserve.
Thank you and may God bless each and every one of you.
I write because it helps me also, not to hurt anyone else especially my daughter. I want her to spend as much time on here as she wants to help her heal if that is what it takes for her to go through her journey. I am very sorry if I offended anyone but as much as you all love her I love her more she is my daughter and baby and I want what is best for her. Thank you all for loving her too and helping her through this difficult time. My prayers are lifted to EVERY mother/family who has or had to endure this rough and difficult journey. Somehow we are connected and may we all be gentle with each other with the love and respect we ALL deserve.
Thank you and may God bless each and every one of you.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Sorrow and Grief
I guess I have been thinking alot about this lately and thought I would write about it maybe helping me in the process and all who read it. First, it is hard to believe that it has been 4 months already since our little sweet Carleigh went home to Jesus. There are so many out there who think that it has been enough time for Holly to move on and I must admit that as her mother I think it from time to time but then I get this whisper in my ear that says "Wait a minute, maybe she isn't ready". It brings me back to reality. I have never had a baby pass away so I don't know what she is going through, I can only imagine and that is bad enough. I do know that my (old) Holly is gone and replaced by a (new) Holly. As a mother it is taking time to get used to that but I am. She is so much like the "other" Holly that I can hardly tell the difference. I love her the same if not more, love grows believe it or not.
I know I mentioned to a family member who was concerned about her and how she was doing and wanted her to be moving in the process, (and not being mean about it just concern) and I reminded her that it had only been 4 months and if we were in her shoes we would be so mad if someone tried to tell us to move on or (get over it) like people say. She agreed with me that it would tick her off if people did that to her or myself for that matter. But, we are only concerned for her because we love her so much.
As her mother I know this is a process and we all grieve differently and in our own timetable . In my heart I don't think people expect her to be over it so quickly, what I do think (and I could be wrong) is that people want her to be less on the computer and more with family. I love the fact that she can intertwine with other moms who have went through the same thing as her but at the same time we are here living with her and want to reach out to her and no one knows what to say or do because we are perceived as not understanding. No one knows what you are going through that is true, but helps us (family) who are close to you and love you to understand by reaching out to us instead of a screen. Maybe I speak for alot of people who are trying their best to reach others too??? I don't know.
I look at Carleigh's pictures and it floods my heart and soul that it comes back in my face that she is carrying such a pain, I understand that, I am a mom and a woman. Can someone out there help me to understand ? What floods me is that I KNOW Carleigh IS in Heaven, and I KNOW she IS Healthy and she IS in the arms of Jesus, we know this for certain, so if we know this why is it hard to go on with living our lives and getting back to our families and our routines of daily living? There should be no question if we know in our hearts to be true that they are in Heaven.
I won't lie, I want my daughter to get back to her routine and do the things she did before, knowing Carleigh is OK and she is fine and that to be with her again we all do what we must to make sure we get there. Do we forget our children? NO, they will ALWAYS be a part of our families and a part of our hearts. We will always experience the firsts of everything till time takes us where we no longer grieve but we are happy. And we never forget , her name will always come from our mouth because she is so much a part of us.
If , by chance we say the Lord has helped us and we are stronger in our faith because of Him, and the prayers being lifted, then shouldn't we go on knowing God is in control and is watching over us and has all our best interests at heart. I think we should. Would that be a slam to God if we didn't but we said we were?
Finally, this is is no way to take away any grief anyone has endured at all , because i don't know your pain and we all grief differently and on our own timetable, but can I just for one minute have you think about others (for 1 minute) and how they try to communicate with you, love you and try to help you through. Can you see it through their eyes maybe? I love my daughter and there isn't anything i wouldn't do for her, I would give my life for her , I will help in any small way i can for her all she has to do is reach out and that is all anyone is asking, just give people a chance.
I know I mentioned to a family member who was concerned about her and how she was doing and wanted her to be moving in the process, (and not being mean about it just concern) and I reminded her that it had only been 4 months and if we were in her shoes we would be so mad if someone tried to tell us to move on or (get over it) like people say. She agreed with me that it would tick her off if people did that to her or myself for that matter. But, we are only concerned for her because we love her so much.
As her mother I know this is a process and we all grieve differently and in our own timetable . In my heart I don't think people expect her to be over it so quickly, what I do think (and I could be wrong) is that people want her to be less on the computer and more with family. I love the fact that she can intertwine with other moms who have went through the same thing as her but at the same time we are here living with her and want to reach out to her and no one knows what to say or do because we are perceived as not understanding. No one knows what you are going through that is true, but helps us (family) who are close to you and love you to understand by reaching out to us instead of a screen. Maybe I speak for alot of people who are trying their best to reach others too??? I don't know.
I look at Carleigh's pictures and it floods my heart and soul that it comes back in my face that she is carrying such a pain, I understand that, I am a mom and a woman. Can someone out there help me to understand ? What floods me is that I KNOW Carleigh IS in Heaven, and I KNOW she IS Healthy and she IS in the arms of Jesus, we know this for certain, so if we know this why is it hard to go on with living our lives and getting back to our families and our routines of daily living? There should be no question if we know in our hearts to be true that they are in Heaven.
I won't lie, I want my daughter to get back to her routine and do the things she did before, knowing Carleigh is OK and she is fine and that to be with her again we all do what we must to make sure we get there. Do we forget our children? NO, they will ALWAYS be a part of our families and a part of our hearts. We will always experience the firsts of everything till time takes us where we no longer grieve but we are happy. And we never forget , her name will always come from our mouth because she is so much a part of us.
If , by chance we say the Lord has helped us and we are stronger in our faith because of Him, and the prayers being lifted, then shouldn't we go on knowing God is in control and is watching over us and has all our best interests at heart. I think we should. Would that be a slam to God if we didn't but we said we were?
Finally, this is is no way to take away any grief anyone has endured at all , because i don't know your pain and we all grief differently and on our own timetable, but can I just for one minute have you think about others (for 1 minute) and how they try to communicate with you, love you and try to help you through. Can you see it through their eyes maybe? I love my daughter and there isn't anything i wouldn't do for her, I would give my life for her , I will help in any small way i can for her all she has to do is reach out and that is all anyone is asking, just give people a chance.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Holly
I just wanted to write this and tell you how deeply sorry I am if I hurt you. I realized looking at the pictures of Carleigh in the scrapbook that you indeed have a pain I will NEVER know. But, I want you to understand (if you can) that you are my daughter and I have you here on earth and I want to hold you, love you and do whatever I can to help you through this. I know it won't go away and nor would I want it to but, I would like you to see where I am coming from. it broke me to see her stone, i wanted so badly to hold her.
I don't ever want to make you feel like you should hurry up and "get over it", because you never will. All I ask is you don't shut me out even if we go slow in the process. That is OK with me, your grief and mine are different (as they should be) but mine is still there. I love my new Holly and I can deal with her (I've had practice with the old Holly-lol) I just want you to take your time in all of this and know I will be here whenever you need me. Trust in that.
I don't ever want to make you feel like you should hurry up and "get over it", because you never will. All I ask is you don't shut me out even if we go slow in the process. That is OK with me, your grief and mine are different (as they should be) but mine is still there. I love my new Holly and I can deal with her (I've had practice with the old Holly-lol) I just want you to take your time in all of this and know I will be here whenever you need me. Trust in that.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Visit
I can not tell you how excited I am about going to holly and Anthony's this weekend. I have not seen them since the 3rd week of May and I miss them so much. I will be staying with holly and Kyndra next week and then they will come home with me the next weekend. What a joyous time!!!!!!! I miss my little granddaughter and cant wait to scoop her up and kiss her all over. Just had to write that and will write more later. for now there is much to do to get ready.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Precious Child
I am listening to "Precious Child" from Karen Taylor-Good. I found it on Carleigh's web and fell in love with it right away.There are songs I listen to and think of my precious granddaughter Carleigh and wonder will this hurt EVER go away????? I don't want that to come across as if I want it all to go away and never remember again, because I couldn't do that even if it were possible.
I thought I was doing so well and then I hear a beautiful song that touches my heart and it floods my heart and I am back to tears that have no ending. WHY???????
Oh, Lord, I know she is OK, but please , please help this healing.I don't ever want to forget her but at the same time she is OK and I need to be too---to go on for others that depend on me. To live the rest of my life on earth helping others, helping others heal, doing your work for your kingdom. I long for the day to see you and all your glory and to see all who have passed before me, especially my little Carleigh. That's my goal.
This song tells it so well at the end.
In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious Child, you left to soon
Though it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever in my heart.
Carleigh, you will never be forgotten and you will ALWAYS live in Grandma's heart!!!!!
I thought I was doing so well and then I hear a beautiful song that touches my heart and it floods my heart and I am back to tears that have no ending. WHY???????
Oh, Lord, I know she is OK, but please , please help this healing.I don't ever want to forget her but at the same time she is OK and I need to be too---to go on for others that depend on me. To live the rest of my life on earth helping others, helping others heal, doing your work for your kingdom. I long for the day to see you and all your glory and to see all who have passed before me, especially my little Carleigh. That's my goal.
This song tells it so well at the end.
In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious Child, you left to soon
Though it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever in my heart.
Carleigh, you will never be forgotten and you will ALWAYS live in Grandma's heart!!!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
I AM BACK
Just to let everyone know who reads this blog that I am FINALLY back on this thing. John got it up and running tonight after getting it fixed. It has been way to long and I miss everyone terribly sand feel like i am out of the loop so email me anyway you can and catch me up. Thanks!!!! More to come.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Blues
Well, I must say this is going to be the shortest blog, just want everyone to know that I am down on my computer. The tower is being fixed and I hate it!!!!!! I miss being on here and talking and conversing with everyone and I feel so totally out of the loop. Have alot of catching up to do. We are fine and doing OK. Got the pool open and running, and flowers planted so things are going well. Have a sore throat today and hurts to swallow. Want to say a big Hello to Misty, Celia, and PJ!! Miss you also Beth!
Wait for me I will be back soon. But in the meantime I am getting the blues bad (very bad).
Wait for me I will be back soon. But in the meantime I am getting the blues bad (very bad).
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Well, the weekend is gone now and in a way it did seem to go a little slower or at least that is what I think. But, the van has gone back to Wilmington and in it are my kids and my grand baby, Kyndra, who I miss already. I was playing with her and tickling her and she was laughing so cute and saying DA DA and NO as plain as can be, and now it is DEAD SILENT. The minute I saw the van go down the road I got a tear in my eye because I could hear the silence and hated it. I wanted the laughter and running after them, even though it can be exhausting, I still like it. Maybe it still keeps me young. (well, I try anyway)
Maybe it is getting older that makes me feel the way I do anymore, I sure cant explain it but know something is there and I don't like the feeling at all. I heard there is suppose to be something good about every age. OK, I'm game, what is it? Sometimes I don't understand the feelings that God gave mothers at all, heartache and tears come more quickly than before and I want my children around me all the time not just for a while. (sorry, tears again)
I hope my girls know how much they are loved every day, there could never be enough words for me to describe how much I love my kids and grand kids (even the ones who aren't here yet)and husband, they just have to know. But 1 thing is for sure and proof positive, that I MISS them so much when they are gone. And I miss the pitter patter of little feet and laughter and baby talk. Thank you Lord for all of it no matter how short or long the time. I now long for Audrey to be here , until the 2 of them can be together and playing again.
Maybe it is getting older that makes me feel the way I do anymore, I sure cant explain it but know something is there and I don't like the feeling at all. I heard there is suppose to be something good about every age. OK, I'm game, what is it? Sometimes I don't understand the feelings that God gave mothers at all, heartache and tears come more quickly than before and I want my children around me all the time not just for a while. (sorry, tears again)
I hope my girls know how much they are loved every day, there could never be enough words for me to describe how much I love my kids and grand kids (even the ones who aren't here yet)and husband, they just have to know. But 1 thing is for sure and proof positive, that I MISS them so much when they are gone. And I miss the pitter patter of little feet and laughter and baby talk. Thank you Lord for all of it no matter how short or long the time. I now long for Audrey to be here , until the 2 of them can be together and playing again.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Time
What is it about time ? We wish we had more of it and there is not enough of it. I am thinking of time when I think of the anencaphaly babies that have passed away. All Parents wish they had more of it, we certainly do with our little Carleigh. I am so happy for the parents that have been given the time with their babies. I know we are not to be jealous of people but, would it be held against us if we were?
I am thinking of the time that all the parents/grandparents have had with their little ones regardless of how much or how little of it there was. We were not even given the chance with our little Carleigh for some unknown reason and we will never know the reason in this lifetime. It hurts, yes indeed, but I know we were given our miracles even in her death. My miracle was that I prayed she wasn't born a purple color and HE gave that to me. I am eternally grateful.
I miss our little one so badly that it comes in waves at times and you never know when it will hit you. It has hit again with the passing of Faith Hope. And it is by no means any one's fault , it is just there.
I hope Myah realizes (and I am sure she does) just how lucky she was to have her baby for 93 days. We would all give everything we own to have that. But , would it be harder? Was that the reason for us? Sometimes, I feel like I would like to know the reason but would it really matter?
We think when we get to heaven we will ask why, but then it will not matter because we are IN HEAVEN where you are happy, healthy, and together!!!
Ah, yes, time not enough of it, and sometimes to much of it, especially when it cause you/me to sit and think or dwell on any thought.
Time is suppose to be my great healer but it seems it is going slow or is it? The months seems to be flying by but yet the clock seems at times to tick v-e-r-y slowly when it comes to mourning.
I will always miss my little granddaughter on this earth till I see her again in our joyous reunion in heaven waiting to hold her in my arms, (of course, after her mother). Till that time arrives, we will wait and enjoy the time we have here on earth with family, friends, and the new friends we have made because of her. Love you my sweet angel!!!!!!!!
I am thinking of the time that all the parents/grandparents have had with their little ones regardless of how much or how little of it there was. We were not even given the chance with our little Carleigh for some unknown reason and we will never know the reason in this lifetime. It hurts, yes indeed, but I know we were given our miracles even in her death. My miracle was that I prayed she wasn't born a purple color and HE gave that to me. I am eternally grateful.
I miss our little one so badly that it comes in waves at times and you never know when it will hit you. It has hit again with the passing of Faith Hope. And it is by no means any one's fault , it is just there.
I hope Myah realizes (and I am sure she does) just how lucky she was to have her baby for 93 days. We would all give everything we own to have that. But , would it be harder? Was that the reason for us? Sometimes, I feel like I would like to know the reason but would it really matter?
We think when we get to heaven we will ask why, but then it will not matter because we are IN HEAVEN where you are happy, healthy, and together!!!
Ah, yes, time not enough of it, and sometimes to much of it, especially when it cause you/me to sit and think or dwell on any thought.
Time is suppose to be my great healer but it seems it is going slow or is it? The months seems to be flying by but yet the clock seems at times to tick v-e-r-y slowly when it comes to mourning.
I will always miss my little granddaughter on this earth till I see her again in our joyous reunion in heaven waiting to hold her in my arms, (of course, after her mother). Till that time arrives, we will wait and enjoy the time we have here on earth with family, friends, and the new friends we have made because of her. Love you my sweet angel!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Another Sad Moment
Holly just gave me word tonight that Myah's little baby girl "Faith Hope" passed away today. Boy, did that hit me. My heart immediately felt such sorrow for her and the pain she must be feeling and the endless tears that are flowing. We have been there and know what they are all going through and the road that lies ahead of them. Just when you think you are doing OK and then something happens and it hits you all over again like a brick (tons of them).
We all can say and will say what a miracle this little girl was to live 93 days. WOW!!!!! Now right there proves there is a much higher power at hand. Has hard as we try we will never in this life time begin to understand why and the meaning of all of this. We just have to trust in our Faith of our Lord and Savior and know he has his hand in it all and he will take care of EVERYTHING.
He never said we wouldn't have trials to endure he said he would be with us and carry us through them, help us in our pain and sorrow, wipe away our tears and lift us up when we are down. I think it is up to those of us who have went through this pain to help others try and walk it too. It may be hard for some since it is fresh in our minds and hearts, but we are to reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ to help with their burden and help them get through the pain we have already been through. Do it together.
If there is any miracle to see in all of this it is that Myah wanted a miracle of her own and by golly she got her miracle. 93 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Father in Heaven, we come to you now to lift up Myah and her family to you and to bring them comfort in the days, weeks and months to come. May they feel your presence and your arms around them carrying them through this difficult time. How it is hard for us to understand why and why it is happening so much. Be with them in the days ahead. Be with the grandparents who are going through their own struggle to lose their granddaughter and having to watch their own daughter cry out to you in her pain. Be understanding Lord, of Myah when she cries out to you in rage, anger,and hurt. We know you are a loving God who fully understands what she is going through. How she will struggle because she had so much time with her little girl and grew more loving everyday of her and watching and hoping for that miracle of life. Help her to understand as the days go by that in her quiet moments with you she realizes the miracle you did give her and will be ever so thankful. Father , We Love you for who you are and what you mean to us and we thank you for never giving up on us and loving us even though we fall short of your glory every day. Now be with Myah and her family and all the other families who have gone down this journey ahead of her and watch over them and protect them. In your precious holy name we pray----------AMEN
We all can say and will say what a miracle this little girl was to live 93 days. WOW!!!!! Now right there proves there is a much higher power at hand. Has hard as we try we will never in this life time begin to understand why and the meaning of all of this. We just have to trust in our Faith of our Lord and Savior and know he has his hand in it all and he will take care of EVERYTHING.
He never said we wouldn't have trials to endure he said he would be with us and carry us through them, help us in our pain and sorrow, wipe away our tears and lift us up when we are down. I think it is up to those of us who have went through this pain to help others try and walk it too. It may be hard for some since it is fresh in our minds and hearts, but we are to reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ to help with their burden and help them get through the pain we have already been through. Do it together.
If there is any miracle to see in all of this it is that Myah wanted a miracle of her own and by golly she got her miracle. 93 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Father in Heaven, we come to you now to lift up Myah and her family to you and to bring them comfort in the days, weeks and months to come. May they feel your presence and your arms around them carrying them through this difficult time. How it is hard for us to understand why and why it is happening so much. Be with them in the days ahead. Be with the grandparents who are going through their own struggle to lose their granddaughter and having to watch their own daughter cry out to you in her pain. Be understanding Lord, of Myah when she cries out to you in rage, anger,and hurt. We know you are a loving God who fully understands what she is going through. How she will struggle because she had so much time with her little girl and grew more loving everyday of her and watching and hoping for that miracle of life. Help her to understand as the days go by that in her quiet moments with you she realizes the miracle you did give her and will be ever so thankful. Father , We Love you for who you are and what you mean to us and we thank you for never giving up on us and loving us even though we fall short of your glory every day. Now be with Myah and her family and all the other families who have gone down this journey ahead of her and watch over them and protect them. In your precious holy name we pray----------AMEN
Untitled
What is it about the sunny days that make us feel so alive and wanting to be busy? At least for me. We had our pool opened for the summer yesterday and when they took the mesh cover off it had 2 big rips in it. Yikes!!!!! So, naturally we had to get a new liner ordered and now it will be 10-14 days and then by the time they put it in and get it filled with water (at least it will be clear and not green like it is) I am hoping it will warm up quickly so we can use it. I think it will. But, the deep end might take longer. The new liner I picked out might help it to heat faster (at least that is what I was told).
So, today we have a wedding to go to for one of the Laotian families we know and we are looking forward to it , they are great people and the food is out of this world. Their is not an egg roll around here that can compare. Plus there will be Puerto Rican food there too (which is new to us) so we are looking forward to that too.
BUT, the biggest of my weekend is that I get to spend time with my beautiful granddaughters,whom I scoop us and cant get enough of kissing them. they get irritated with me cause it is something I do everytime I pick them up. LOL They keep coming back so it must not bother them to much. I want to get some weeding done this weekend to so I can get some flowers planted and get my summer furniture out, clean it and get it painted for the year (it is wicker) my patio looks tropical when it is done. Going to Hawaii makes me want to decorate that way, I love it!!!! So, here is to a productive Memorial Day weekend. Plus, we will take the time to remember all the men and women who serve our country and fight for our freedom , keep them in your prayers and for the people who run this country that they make the right choices for us
So, today we have a wedding to go to for one of the Laotian families we know and we are looking forward to it , they are great people and the food is out of this world. Their is not an egg roll around here that can compare. Plus there will be Puerto Rican food there too (which is new to us) so we are looking forward to that too.
BUT, the biggest of my weekend is that I get to spend time with my beautiful granddaughters,whom I scoop us and cant get enough of kissing them. they get irritated with me cause it is something I do everytime I pick them up. LOL They keep coming back so it must not bother them to much. I want to get some weeding done this weekend to so I can get some flowers planted and get my summer furniture out, clean it and get it painted for the year (it is wicker) my patio looks tropical when it is done. Going to Hawaii makes me want to decorate that way, I love it!!!! So, here is to a productive Memorial Day weekend. Plus, we will take the time to remember all the men and women who serve our country and fight for our freedom , keep them in your prayers and for the people who run this country that they make the right choices for us
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Jibberish
I don't know what she is saying but, I am sure it is something important. I just love to hear babies jabber on about nothing. Their baby talk can make a person smile and laugh till your stomach hurts. (or at least it does me). Kyndra is doing that now and it is so cute and I love it. I ask her questions and talk to her just so I can hear her say something. What a wonderful stage this is, I forgot how great it was till the girls came along.
Audrey is saying words and less gibberish talk. I am beginning to think that since they are 2 unique little girls that in the end they will be right where they need to be and talking up a storm. One thing is for sure they are smart. Grandma has a goal in mind and I want to teach them to read like I did my own girls if given the opportunity to do so. They already know eyes, nose, mouth, ears just by going over them all the time. Told the girls it is time to introduce other parts now. With the girls carrying such heavy workloads I don't mind picking up the slack and help in teaching them.
Katrina told me on Mother's Day she is going to have another baby, and I jumped up and down and started yelling for joy. I couldn't believe it. In my heart I feel God is blessing us in a small way for the pain we are going through missing Carleigh and he is telling us it is OK to go on and be happy, because Carleigh is happy with him until we get there to be with her again.
My mother's prayer is for our new baby to be OK and perfect in God's sight.
Who knows maybe all this gibberish we are hearing is telling us the same thing that she is happy too for the new arrival and anything else we are willing to hear her say. I Love being a Grandmother and Mother!!!!!
Audrey is saying words and less gibberish talk. I am beginning to think that since they are 2 unique little girls that in the end they will be right where they need to be and talking up a storm. One thing is for sure they are smart. Grandma has a goal in mind and I want to teach them to read like I did my own girls if given the opportunity to do so. They already know eyes, nose, mouth, ears just by going over them all the time. Told the girls it is time to introduce other parts now. With the girls carrying such heavy workloads I don't mind picking up the slack and help in teaching them.
Katrina told me on Mother's Day she is going to have another baby, and I jumped up and down and started yelling for joy. I couldn't believe it. In my heart I feel God is blessing us in a small way for the pain we are going through missing Carleigh and he is telling us it is OK to go on and be happy, because Carleigh is happy with him until we get there to be with her again.
My mother's prayer is for our new baby to be OK and perfect in God's sight.
Who knows maybe all this gibberish we are hearing is telling us the same thing that she is happy too for the new arrival and anything else we are willing to hear her say. I Love being a Grandmother and Mother!!!!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Kyndra
This will be a short blog but I wanted to write it. Tonight after eating out with Brad and Kathy
(we went to Olive Garden) I received a phone call from my own house and I answered it and it was my Kyndra. I told her grandma loved her and asked her what was she doing and that I was on my home to see her and she started babbling on and on. It was so cute. I love to hear the girls talk it is such a fun stage right now.
The minute we got home and through the door she heard grandpa say something to coalee (their dog) and I came through the gate and she came running towards me. I threw my purse down and there she was with her arms stretched out and I scooped her up and held her so tight and kissed her a thousand times (well, maybe not that many). She didn't want to let go and she didn't want anyone else either and that made me feel good.
She kept rubbing noses with me and laugh her cute little laugh. I loved it. I am so glad she is here, I have missed all of them so much. This is the first I have seen them since the funeral and I am loving every minute of it.
(we went to Olive Garden) I received a phone call from my own house and I answered it and it was my Kyndra. I told her grandma loved her and asked her what was she doing and that I was on my home to see her and she started babbling on and on. It was so cute. I love to hear the girls talk it is such a fun stage right now.
The minute we got home and through the door she heard grandpa say something to coalee (their dog) and I came through the gate and she came running towards me. I threw my purse down and there she was with her arms stretched out and I scooped her up and held her so tight and kissed her a thousand times (well, maybe not that many). She didn't want to let go and she didn't want anyone else either and that made me feel good.
She kept rubbing noses with me and laugh her cute little laugh. I loved it. I am so glad she is here, I have missed all of them so much. This is the first I have seen them since the funeral and I am loving every minute of it.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Remembering Grandma
I was in the kitchen tonight loading the dishwasher and finishing the rest of the dishes by hand and I had a sink full of plastic bags. Well, this might sound funny to most but i washed and dried those bags and hung them over something to finish air drying for the night. I have to tell you growing up i use to laugh when my grandmother did that. I thought why would anyone ever wash a bag? Just get a new one. Well, with the way things are now in the economy and things getting tight for everyone, I thought of grandma and decided to wash them too just like she did. I have washed them probably 3 times and until they get holes in them I will continue to do so.
Bless her heart she even saved bread ties, and now I do too. She is either laughing at me or thankful she taught me something that stuck. Either way, I love her and miss her. Why is it that we don't appreciate people and things until they are gone? When it is to late we realize that we would give anything and everything up to have it/them back.
We should all be thankful every day for everything and the little things we take for granted. My grandmother, I admit growing up would tend to get on your nerves but she had alot of wisdom and the older I got the more I listened to her. We would say she couldn't hear anything we were saying but she heard every word and pretended she couldn't hear us I think. I loved hearing her stories of growing up and how hard it was. My grandma grew up in the depression and that is how she became a pack rat and didn't throw anything out, her thing was "you might need it someday." She always said we live in a throw away society.
Every time I am in the kitchen now doing something I think of her and would she keep or throw it away. Would she use the celery tops or would she throw away and now I keep them and put them in stir fry that I make. yes, my grandma taught me alot, she just never realized how much I WAS paying attention.
The one thing we did for her was paint her fingernails when she laid in her bed, not knowing if she knew we were there or not but we talked to her anyway. i told her we were painting them just like she wanted. She didn't want to die without looking her best because she never went anywhere without being dressed up. So, we did that for her.
When Hospice (wonderful people) told us she was getting close and we should say our goodbyes,
(not knowing if she could hear us) I leaned over her and told her I love you grandma and she said back as clear as day "I love you too". I then told her to wait by the pearly gates for me and I would see her someday. How I miss my grandma.........but it is in the moments like my kitchen tonight that I take comfort in remembering a wonderful woman.
Bless her heart she even saved bread ties, and now I do too. She is either laughing at me or thankful she taught me something that stuck. Either way, I love her and miss her. Why is it that we don't appreciate people and things until they are gone? When it is to late we realize that we would give anything and everything up to have it/them back.
We should all be thankful every day for everything and the little things we take for granted. My grandmother, I admit growing up would tend to get on your nerves but she had alot of wisdom and the older I got the more I listened to her. We would say she couldn't hear anything we were saying but she heard every word and pretended she couldn't hear us I think. I loved hearing her stories of growing up and how hard it was. My grandma grew up in the depression and that is how she became a pack rat and didn't throw anything out, her thing was "you might need it someday." She always said we live in a throw away society.
Every time I am in the kitchen now doing something I think of her and would she keep or throw it away. Would she use the celery tops or would she throw away and now I keep them and put them in stir fry that I make. yes, my grandma taught me alot, she just never realized how much I WAS paying attention.
The one thing we did for her was paint her fingernails when she laid in her bed, not knowing if she knew we were there or not but we talked to her anyway. i told her we were painting them just like she wanted. She didn't want to die without looking her best because she never went anywhere without being dressed up. So, we did that for her.
When Hospice (wonderful people) told us she was getting close and we should say our goodbyes,
(not knowing if she could hear us) I leaned over her and told her I love you grandma and she said back as clear as day "I love you too". I then told her to wait by the pearly gates for me and I would see her someday. How I miss my grandma.........but it is in the moments like my kitchen tonight that I take comfort in remembering a wonderful woman.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Great Day
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a great day this turned out to be. Katrina and Jason surprised me with "I'm Pregnant". I read that card 3 times before it finally clicked. Then I shouted and screamed, kinda. God is so good. And in the midst of all we have been going through, this was certainly some good news. And it helps me to know that I can feel good about it because Holly knows and she blesses it too. As a mother I want to be happy all the way around but it has to be ok for both of my girls, I don't want to disappoint either one of them . So, this way we are ALL happy.
I know Holly had a rough day today and our prayers are always being lifted for her, and I know God will put that joy back in her heart and a smile on her face again. Never forgetting, but moving on, because we know we can be happy because Carleigh already is.
So, WOW, what a day, this is the best gift I could ever get. With prayers ending my day for my kids, babies, and husband, I can rest easy tonight with the assurance from God everything will be ok. Love my life and all that is in it.
I know Holly had a rough day today and our prayers are always being lifted for her, and I know God will put that joy back in her heart and a smile on her face again. Never forgetting, but moving on, because we know we can be happy because Carleigh already is.
So, WOW, what a day, this is the best gift I could ever get. With prayers ending my day for my kids, babies, and husband, I can rest easy tonight with the assurance from God everything will be ok. Love my life and all that is in it.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A Letter
It is Mother's Day tomorrow and I remember on this same day last year writing a letter to my mother-in-law. I remember wanting to tell her so many things and not knowing how and trying to find the right words. I found something in a book and I wrote that to her. I am sure I added some things of my own but the letter in this book was perfect for me. so, I want to share it with you. It is titled "A Letter to My Mother-in-Law" by Pamela Kennedy.
I know I should have written to thank you years ago, but I was a bit uneasy with our relationship. It was still quite new, and I had never been a daughter-in-law before. I thought perhaps you'd think me unacceptable or lacking in some essential skill. How wrong I was, and that is part of why I want to thank you now.
Thanks for peeking in the pot and never saying "I used to put in more of this and less of that." The year I tried your recipe and wound up with a mess I loved you for not saying a word.
There were times when you watched me nurse a fussy baby or paddle a disobedient behind, knowing I was doing things all wrong. You offered help so graciously, never criticizing-just one mother helping out another. When the children turned to you for aid or sympathy, you always asked, "But what does Mama say?" How I loved you for sending them back to me instead of coveting their love. In return they loved you more as well.
My gratitude is great for the times we made a foolish investment or suffered a self-inflicted disaster, and you were there to lend support. You never said "I told you so!" or second-guessed or scolded us. Perhaps you knew we'd learn our lessons best when freed from outside condemnation.
I remember sharing deep concerns while the guys were on their fishing trips (on Sunday afternoons). You always listened carefully, sorting truth and feelings, leading me to find within myself the answers I didn't know I had. Thank you for helping me grow and learn through gentle conversation instead of sermons laced with bad words.
Was it hard for you never to take sides, to let us alone to discover our own strengths and weaknesses? I'm sure, deep down, your preferences were crystal clear, but you never made them evident to us. How I appreciate you for pushing us together instead of driving us apart.
(Here is a good part) Thanks for all the times you knew my husband better than I and kept your comments sealed behind a smile. Thanks for all the nods that let me know you understood my frustrations with your handsome son. You told me in so many subtle ways that you had to let him go and would not be a rival for his love. I needed that in all my newly-wedded insecurity. You understood and blessed us with a giving heart and not a grasping one. (Now, the best part of all)
I must thank you, too, for all the hours and years of time you spent chipping, sanding,polishing your diamond in the rough---this man you grew is VERY much a GEM to ME.
The tenderness you taught him, the character you helped to form, have made MY husband precious and made my life a joy.
What skill it takes to make a child a man, what courage to give him up to someone else, what grace to be a source of constant love.
When my daughters are grown and find husbands and move away, will you please help me to be to them what you have been to me? Thank you for being a mother-in-love, not just a mother-in-law.
Love,
Your Daughter, Linda
That was my letter to Joyce, (John's mom) and she has indeed been a great mom. Loving me when I am sure at times were hard for her and never saying an unkind word. I hope that I can be and that I am that kind of mother-in-law to my sons Jason and Anthony. In them I finally got the boys I never had. So, to all of my kids, I Love You all very much.
I know I should have written to thank you years ago, but I was a bit uneasy with our relationship. It was still quite new, and I had never been a daughter-in-law before. I thought perhaps you'd think me unacceptable or lacking in some essential skill. How wrong I was, and that is part of why I want to thank you now.
Thanks for peeking in the pot and never saying "I used to put in more of this and less of that." The year I tried your recipe and wound up with a mess I loved you for not saying a word.
There were times when you watched me nurse a fussy baby or paddle a disobedient behind, knowing I was doing things all wrong. You offered help so graciously, never criticizing-just one mother helping out another. When the children turned to you for aid or sympathy, you always asked, "But what does Mama say?" How I loved you for sending them back to me instead of coveting their love. In return they loved you more as well.
My gratitude is great for the times we made a foolish investment or suffered a self-inflicted disaster, and you were there to lend support. You never said "I told you so!" or second-guessed or scolded us. Perhaps you knew we'd learn our lessons best when freed from outside condemnation.
I remember sharing deep concerns while the guys were on their fishing trips (on Sunday afternoons). You always listened carefully, sorting truth and feelings, leading me to find within myself the answers I didn't know I had. Thank you for helping me grow and learn through gentle conversation instead of sermons laced with bad words.
Was it hard for you never to take sides, to let us alone to discover our own strengths and weaknesses? I'm sure, deep down, your preferences were crystal clear, but you never made them evident to us. How I appreciate you for pushing us together instead of driving us apart.
(Here is a good part) Thanks for all the times you knew my husband better than I and kept your comments sealed behind a smile. Thanks for all the nods that let me know you understood my frustrations with your handsome son. You told me in so many subtle ways that you had to let him go and would not be a rival for his love. I needed that in all my newly-wedded insecurity. You understood and blessed us with a giving heart and not a grasping one. (Now, the best part of all)
I must thank you, too, for all the hours and years of time you spent chipping, sanding,polishing your diamond in the rough---this man you grew is VERY much a GEM to ME.
The tenderness you taught him, the character you helped to form, have made MY husband precious and made my life a joy.
What skill it takes to make a child a man, what courage to give him up to someone else, what grace to be a source of constant love.
When my daughters are grown and find husbands and move away, will you please help me to be to them what you have been to me? Thank you for being a mother-in-love, not just a mother-in-law.
Love,
Your Daughter, Linda
That was my letter to Joyce, (John's mom) and she has indeed been a great mom. Loving me when I am sure at times were hard for her and never saying an unkind word. I hope that I can be and that I am that kind of mother-in-law to my sons Jason and Anthony. In them I finally got the boys I never had. So, to all of my kids, I Love You all very much.
Holiday
Well, tomorrow is another card day---well, to be more exact "Mother's Day". Boy, this day for here is going to be a bit chilly but warm in the heart.... I wish Holly were here to help celebrate the day but that isn't possible. So, Happy Mother's Day to you my darling daughter and be kind to yourself. When you visit Carleigh's grave, will you please tell her that her grandma misses her and loves her so much. Give Kyndra a hug for me and tell her that grandma loves her too.
I am sure I've said it before but, I will say it again till the day I die---------- I love being a mother, I love my 2 beautiful daughters, I love my granddaughters (hopefully more grandchildren someday). there was nothing I wanted more as a little girl growing up than to be a mother. I thought I asked for the wrong thing when early in my marriage I had 2 miscarriages but, God knew my dream and wishes, and he granted me the most precious thing he could. A BABY!!!! I never really knew the scope of it all when I was pregnant with the girls because I was in the moment and going through the motions so to speak. But, when Katrina and Holly were pregnant it hit me because I had more time to focus on the big scope of it all.
When you think of a baby from conception to birth, WOW, what an amazing gift. The idea of growing inside you (that was my favorite part too, the kicking) and every little part that is so perfect, it is just so hard to comprehend it all. but, being a mother is more than giving birth. It is about raising this little person into an adult. The sickness in the night, the crying, the feedings, the bumps and bruises, etc. all of it. Motherhood is the greatest thing.
I was so ever fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids and that was something I will NEVER regret. I know my daughters wish they could do the same but, times are different now but they love their daughters just as much and it shows. Everything they do makes me so proud and knowing I had a part in it makes me happy beyond words. I love you my daughters.
yes, their is an industry out there who likes to create any holiday they could just to make a card for it, but Mother's Day is one to be celebrated because we raise the future of the world. Hopefully, with a little kindness , love, and compassion for the world we live in.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL !!!!! Be kind to yourself and enjoy the day.
I am sure I've said it before but, I will say it again till the day I die---------- I love being a mother, I love my 2 beautiful daughters, I love my granddaughters (hopefully more grandchildren someday). there was nothing I wanted more as a little girl growing up than to be a mother. I thought I asked for the wrong thing when early in my marriage I had 2 miscarriages but, God knew my dream and wishes, and he granted me the most precious thing he could. A BABY!!!! I never really knew the scope of it all when I was pregnant with the girls because I was in the moment and going through the motions so to speak. But, when Katrina and Holly were pregnant it hit me because I had more time to focus on the big scope of it all.
When you think of a baby from conception to birth, WOW, what an amazing gift. The idea of growing inside you (that was my favorite part too, the kicking) and every little part that is so perfect, it is just so hard to comprehend it all. but, being a mother is more than giving birth. It is about raising this little person into an adult. The sickness in the night, the crying, the feedings, the bumps and bruises, etc. all of it. Motherhood is the greatest thing.
I was so ever fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids and that was something I will NEVER regret. I know my daughters wish they could do the same but, times are different now but they love their daughters just as much and it shows. Everything they do makes me so proud and knowing I had a part in it makes me happy beyond words. I love you my daughters.
yes, their is an industry out there who likes to create any holiday they could just to make a card for it, but Mother's Day is one to be celebrated because we raise the future of the world. Hopefully, with a little kindness , love, and compassion for the world we live in.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL !!!!! Be kind to yourself and enjoy the day.
Devotions
Why would I use this title for my post? If there is one thing that my little granddaughter taught me it is to be closer to our Savior. You see, I Never did devotions (hate to admit that, but God wanted me to come clean on that) and I have made a commitment to do them now everyday. So today it was about "Why acceptance spells peace" Philippians 4:5-13. It started out by saying that no one ----not even a child of God escapes some trials. And boy, have we all had them. What are our options? It says we can resist and complain or we can take it from our Father and accept it. THERE is a sure formula for peace! It goes on to say that built in our acceptance is our acknowledgement that God is working out HIS will.
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
God gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
How true this is. Why is peace the reward for acceptance? God knows what is best for us, and it's no idle whim when he bids us, "IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS". My devotion book goes on to say that God doesn't have to explain himself to us and his workings in our lives. How true is this statement! The open secret? ACCEPTANCE. The end of my devotional page says that such an attitude may not prolong our lives, but it will make them more serene.
In Philippians 4:8 it says to keep our minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. And in verse 9 in says "And God, who gives peace, will be with you."
What an awesome thought, that he will be with us through everything. I am so glad that a little baby led me to reading the word of God , and daily prayer. Thank you, Carleigh!!!
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
God gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
How true this is. Why is peace the reward for acceptance? God knows what is best for us, and it's no idle whim when he bids us, "IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS". My devotion book goes on to say that God doesn't have to explain himself to us and his workings in our lives. How true is this statement! The open secret? ACCEPTANCE. The end of my devotional page says that such an attitude may not prolong our lives, but it will make them more serene.
In Philippians 4:8 it says to keep our minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. And in verse 9 in says "And God, who gives peace, will be with you."
What an awesome thought, that he will be with us through everything. I am so glad that a little baby led me to reading the word of God , and daily prayer. Thank you, Carleigh!!!
Friday, May 8, 2009
When Will It Get Better
As I sat tonight to read Holly's letter to Carleigh it just brought back a flood of tears. When will it get better? I am traveling down the road now of 2 or 3 days good and then slipping back to a bad one, just like my sister-in-law said I would and I don't like it. When will it get better? I still have these feelings that I am not suppose to feel this way, I am ONLY the grandmother and that my daughter is more entitled to this pain than I am. After all, she IS the mother. But, then I think , wait, just because I am older doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel this hurt, pain, anger, anguish, bitterness, emptiness, etc. It is part of the process right?? But, when will it get better?
I know that time is the only thing on my side, and sometimes I wish time would fast forward quickly so we could feel like we did before Carleigh was born. Happy with anticipation, smiles, laughter, etc. But, yet on the other hand if that happens then I feel a part of me might forget her and I don't want that to ever happen. Why does a woman have these tender longing feelings of compassion and love more it seems. Men have them too but, it lingers in a woman's heart for so long. If this sounds like I am repeating myself forgive me, because I am crying and trying to see the keys.
I had always wanted to be a mother growing up not knowing it would feel like this and I truly love my daughters more than life itself (I hope you can feel that in my writing) and the joy they have both given me through the years and then to make me a grandma was even a greater joy and if you ever saw , or would see, the pictures of me holding Carleigh after her birth you would understand.
A moment I will never forget as long as I live was when I came to the room as fast as I could to see my daughter and Carleigh after the birth and when I walked in that room and saw my daughter's face ( a look etched in my memory forever) I truly wanted to die, she was so broken and my heart felt like it collapsed. I think Holly knew at that moment, how HER mother truly felt about her new granddaughter. It broke me into pieces unimaginable. I think Holly knew at that moment what being a grandma meant to me. Oh, my precious, precious, Carleigh.
And I will be totally honest, when I held her I didn't want to let her go, but knew I had to. There is not a day go by that I don't think of her and miss her terribly.
Another honest fact, this life is hard when we know what we have to do , to get to heaven. Every day is a struggle and should it be? Should it be if we are Christians? I only know that I want to be there to see her and I know God isn't finished with me yet here on earth. So, until then I will do what God calls me to do and work hard at it. And in the mean time will ask "When will it get better"?
I know that time is the only thing on my side, and sometimes I wish time would fast forward quickly so we could feel like we did before Carleigh was born. Happy with anticipation, smiles, laughter, etc. But, yet on the other hand if that happens then I feel a part of me might forget her and I don't want that to ever happen. Why does a woman have these tender longing feelings of compassion and love more it seems. Men have them too but, it lingers in a woman's heart for so long. If this sounds like I am repeating myself forgive me, because I am crying and trying to see the keys.
I had always wanted to be a mother growing up not knowing it would feel like this and I truly love my daughters more than life itself (I hope you can feel that in my writing) and the joy they have both given me through the years and then to make me a grandma was even a greater joy and if you ever saw , or would see, the pictures of me holding Carleigh after her birth you would understand.
A moment I will never forget as long as I live was when I came to the room as fast as I could to see my daughter and Carleigh after the birth and when I walked in that room and saw my daughter's face ( a look etched in my memory forever) I truly wanted to die, she was so broken and my heart felt like it collapsed. I think Holly knew at that moment, how HER mother truly felt about her new granddaughter. It broke me into pieces unimaginable. I think Holly knew at that moment what being a grandma meant to me. Oh, my precious, precious, Carleigh.
And I will be totally honest, when I held her I didn't want to let her go, but knew I had to. There is not a day go by that I don't think of her and miss her terribly.
Another honest fact, this life is hard when we know what we have to do , to get to heaven. Every day is a struggle and should it be? Should it be if we are Christians? I only know that I want to be there to see her and I know God isn't finished with me yet here on earth. So, until then I will do what God calls me to do and work hard at it. And in the mean time will ask "When will it get better"?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Small Quote
I found this Quote somewhere on Holly's blog or email???? But, I liked it so I wanted to write it down so I wouldn't forget it. It goes something like this.....
"The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again." by Jimi Hendrix
When I read it at first , it was just words that caught my eye. But now it has more meaning to me since the death of my granddaughter, Carleigh. I am trying my hardest here on earth to do what I NEED to do so I can see her again in Heaven. I love you, Carleigh!!!!
Just a note from the anniversary blog: We ate at "Red Lobster" to celebrate our 30 years and next time I am getting the dessert first!!!!!
"The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again." by Jimi Hendrix
When I read it at first , it was just words that caught my eye. But now it has more meaning to me since the death of my granddaughter, Carleigh. I am trying my hardest here on earth to do what I NEED to do so I can see her again in Heaven. I love you, Carleigh!!!!
Just a note from the anniversary blog: We ate at "Red Lobster" to celebrate our 30 years and next time I am getting the dessert first!!!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Anniversary
WOW!!!!!!!!! I can hardly believe it that on Tuesday, May 5, we will be married 30 years. Yes, you heard me right, 30 years!!!! Do you have any idea in this day and age what a great accomplishment that is. Time has flown by and it is so easy for me to close my eyes and in my mind it is my wedding day. 6 girls dressed in pastel colored dresses (pink, yellow, lt. green, purple, lt.blue, peach) and all the guys wearing white tuxes with matching ruffled shirts (to match the dresses) and my handsome groom all in white. Of course, my dress was all white too.
The perfect pastel wedding just like I dreamed. I remember my parents went all out, after all this was the first big wedding of the family and the cost----$3,000. Was alot then... My how times have changed.
No regrets. To back it up, we met on a blind date, and on our blind date we went bowling with friends, to help break the ice, we were both a LITTLE shy back then, (I know it is hard to believe) and then we got engaged on November of 78'. ( I wont forget it, he had asked my dad if he could marry me and of course they gave their blessing. ) We stopped in Leipsic at Hilver's Jewelry to pick up our rings and we were headed to Continental to the funeral home because my grandfather had passed away. John wanted to wait, but I said no because it wasn't going to change a thing and my grandmother wouldn't have wanted us to put it off. We picked them up and when we got back in the car to leave he asked me the question and I said YES,I was so in love then and so incredibly happy at that moment.
Then all the planning started. Then on May 5, 1979 we were married at McComb Church of Christ and the journey began. The reception was fun and the cake was huge with a fountain in the middle. The only regret we have is that we didnt stay until the very end. We left the reception and headed back to my parents house to change to start our honeymoon trip. We went to Virginia Beach and believe me in May it is not very nice, at least it wasn't back then. It was cold and rainy, and the beach was dirty. To make a long story short, we came home early because I came down with a UTI and it hurt so bad the long ride home was painful.
Got home and stopped in McComb to see everyone before we headed to our new home in Carey where we have lived ever since. Opened our gifts when we got home and received alot of nice things to set up housekeeping and today we STILL have 26 of those gifts.
My parents told me "that when I find the right one I will fall hard" Not sure what they meant by that at that time, but now I do. A blind date that has turned into 30 years of absolute happiness. Full of Love, Respect, Honesty and lots of Communication. I can count on 1 hand how many times we have fought to date. We don't fight over the little things. We have learned over the years that life is to important and precious.
The 3 people who I credit for giving me this wonderful man is God, without him I have nothing.
His mother, who raised him to be a man of honor, integrity, honesty, someone who people admire because of who he is as a man. And our brother-in-law Buck who set that blind date up in the first place. (of course, I am sure he had help from God).
I realize today in the society we live in, that the kind of marriage we have is in the minority, not the majority like it use to be. People tend to forget that marriage is a lot of work. 100% giving of 2 people not 1. It is with CHRIST as the center of our life and LOVE that holds it all together.
The best way I can explain what John means to me is the love I have for him has grown more deeply with every passing year and God willing we have lots. But, if for some reason GOD would call him home (here is where it gets deep) I love him so very much that my world would be broken and it would be hard for me to go on. Now, if you think about it, that is a deep deep love that is hard to find these days.
I Love you my Darling and Happy Anniversary, and to many, many, more. xoxoxox
The perfect pastel wedding just like I dreamed. I remember my parents went all out, after all this was the first big wedding of the family and the cost----$3,000. Was alot then... My how times have changed.
No regrets. To back it up, we met on a blind date, and on our blind date we went bowling with friends, to help break the ice, we were both a LITTLE shy back then, (I know it is hard to believe) and then we got engaged on November of 78'. ( I wont forget it, he had asked my dad if he could marry me and of course they gave their blessing. ) We stopped in Leipsic at Hilver's Jewelry to pick up our rings and we were headed to Continental to the funeral home because my grandfather had passed away. John wanted to wait, but I said no because it wasn't going to change a thing and my grandmother wouldn't have wanted us to put it off. We picked them up and when we got back in the car to leave he asked me the question and I said YES,I was so in love then and so incredibly happy at that moment.
Then all the planning started. Then on May 5, 1979 we were married at McComb Church of Christ and the journey began. The reception was fun and the cake was huge with a fountain in the middle. The only regret we have is that we didnt stay until the very end. We left the reception and headed back to my parents house to change to start our honeymoon trip. We went to Virginia Beach and believe me in May it is not very nice, at least it wasn't back then. It was cold and rainy, and the beach was dirty. To make a long story short, we came home early because I came down with a UTI and it hurt so bad the long ride home was painful.
Got home and stopped in McComb to see everyone before we headed to our new home in Carey where we have lived ever since. Opened our gifts when we got home and received alot of nice things to set up housekeeping and today we STILL have 26 of those gifts.
My parents told me "that when I find the right one I will fall hard" Not sure what they meant by that at that time, but now I do. A blind date that has turned into 30 years of absolute happiness. Full of Love, Respect, Honesty and lots of Communication. I can count on 1 hand how many times we have fought to date. We don't fight over the little things. We have learned over the years that life is to important and precious.
The 3 people who I credit for giving me this wonderful man is God, without him I have nothing.
His mother, who raised him to be a man of honor, integrity, honesty, someone who people admire because of who he is as a man. And our brother-in-law Buck who set that blind date up in the first place. (of course, I am sure he had help from God).
I realize today in the society we live in, that the kind of marriage we have is in the minority, not the majority like it use to be. People tend to forget that marriage is a lot of work. 100% giving of 2 people not 1. It is with CHRIST as the center of our life and LOVE that holds it all together.
The best way I can explain what John means to me is the love I have for him has grown more deeply with every passing year and God willing we have lots. But, if for some reason GOD would call him home (here is where it gets deep) I love him so very much that my world would be broken and it would be hard for me to go on. Now, if you think about it, that is a deep deep love that is hard to find these days.
I Love you my Darling and Happy Anniversary, and to many, many, more. xoxoxox
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Church II
What is it that draws us in? What is it that keeps us hungering for more? We are looking forward to church on Sunday as we are transferring our membership to our new church and honestly I can't wait!!!! This church is so much more than what we had. Don't get me wrong, I liked our old church, we had been going there since Katrina and Holly were in the 3 rd and 4th grade. And the girls even got married there. One would think being there that long we would still be there. But, after a whole year of thinking I just wasted a whole year, I knew it was time to do something. I personally wasn't growing spiritually anymore and was finding myself making excuses NOT to go. I wasn't getting ANYTHING out of the sermons and felt like I (we) were going through the motions. What is the point or purpose of going if you just go through the motions? I feel alot of people are doing just that. We felt also that if we didn't do something we were going to lose our kids also and we came to far to let that happen. Alot of families pray for their grown children to go to church and we were lucky enough that our girls were going. Didn't want to lose something that precious.
Having conversations with some friends, I made the comment that if John had decided to stay I was leaving anyway, I couldn't bring myself to stay where I wasn't getting spiritually fed and growing as a Christian. I (we) had come to far to raise our daughters in the church to just leave it and stay home and go about our daily living. There was more to it and to life. Don't people realize that you alone are responsible for your entering Heaven? No one else can get you there but you, you are accountable for you. Our daughters truly love the Lord, and now I see it in the son-in-laws too. Now handing down the same love for Jesus in our grandchildren. The thing I regret the most is not doing it earlier for my daughters, but know there is a purpose for everything. I am confident the Lord is proud of where we are today. I am also a believer that John and I wouldn't have what we do today if it weren't for giving to the Lord. He knows what we can give and what we can't. But, when he gives us the opportunity to be able to give more then we should. How easily it can all be taken away. Why do we always try to have more? When we leave this earth we can't take it anyway, so, why???
I know that if we never have anything else than what we have now and we only take care of the basics of living I can truly say I am satisfied. The love of my Savior, husband, and family are more important to me.
My little sweet Carleigh, has taught me what is important. I only want to live for Jesus and see him someday. Nothing on this earth is more important. Does any of this make sense?
I have always told the girls that I want to know where they stand and how they believe and know they are ok before anything would happen to me. I told them I want them to live for Jesus and what he tells us to do and LIVE it. I want us ALL in Heaven someday as a family and not half of us there. That would be the only thing I would ever worry about. Carleigh is already there enjoying the rewards and I want it too. Maybe that is what keeps me hungering for more.
Our new church is so very loving,we feel it every Sunday and the people are so warm and friendly all the time, we can see the difference. I think God put us there for a reason. He knows our family has so much to offer to Him and the church. I am so grateful for the silent whisper that he gave me adn for listening to him. Thank you Jesus, for leading us to a new church home!!!!!!
Having conversations with some friends, I made the comment that if John had decided to stay I was leaving anyway, I couldn't bring myself to stay where I wasn't getting spiritually fed and growing as a Christian. I (we) had come to far to raise our daughters in the church to just leave it and stay home and go about our daily living. There was more to it and to life. Don't people realize that you alone are responsible for your entering Heaven? No one else can get you there but you, you are accountable for you. Our daughters truly love the Lord, and now I see it in the son-in-laws too. Now handing down the same love for Jesus in our grandchildren. The thing I regret the most is not doing it earlier for my daughters, but know there is a purpose for everything. I am confident the Lord is proud of where we are today. I am also a believer that John and I wouldn't have what we do today if it weren't for giving to the Lord. He knows what we can give and what we can't. But, when he gives us the opportunity to be able to give more then we should. How easily it can all be taken away. Why do we always try to have more? When we leave this earth we can't take it anyway, so, why???
I know that if we never have anything else than what we have now and we only take care of the basics of living I can truly say I am satisfied. The love of my Savior, husband, and family are more important to me.
My little sweet Carleigh, has taught me what is important. I only want to live for Jesus and see him someday. Nothing on this earth is more important. Does any of this make sense?
I have always told the girls that I want to know where they stand and how they believe and know they are ok before anything would happen to me. I told them I want them to live for Jesus and what he tells us to do and LIVE it. I want us ALL in Heaven someday as a family and not half of us there. That would be the only thing I would ever worry about. Carleigh is already there enjoying the rewards and I want it too. Maybe that is what keeps me hungering for more.
Our new church is so very loving,we feel it every Sunday and the people are so warm and friendly all the time, we can see the difference. I think God put us there for a reason. He knows our family has so much to offer to Him and the church. I am so grateful for the silent whisper that he gave me adn for listening to him. Thank you Jesus, for leading us to a new church home!!!!!!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Follow Up
Yes, it took me a while to get to sleep but finally did and then I woke up around 7:45. So, now i have a load on the line and getting another one around. I think they will dry fast today as it is sunny and windy. Hopefully by the time i get the next one out the first will be dry. That is the kind of laundry day I like.
I did remember from last night that we ate at 8 pm and then I had caffeine and chocolate on top of it. Think that was the problem?????? You can be sure I won't do that again.
Getting the carpet laid today in the spare bathroom and I am so glad I have been tore up since it flooded and that was in Dec (while we were on vacation). I like to remodel but hate that it takes so long. Going to go open some windows so thanks for the taking the time to check ion.
I did remember from last night that we ate at 8 pm and then I had caffeine and chocolate on top of it. Think that was the problem?????? You can be sure I won't do that again.
Getting the carpet laid today in the spare bathroom and I am so glad I have been tore up since it flooded and that was in Dec (while we were on vacation). I like to remodel but hate that it takes so long. Going to go open some windows so thanks for the taking the time to check ion.
Sleep
Why is it when we can't sleep a 1,000 things run through our head. I know I should be sleeping and it is after 1 am. I'm not sure if it is the sleep or I let my mind take control and put thoughts there and then can't shake them. Or is that the devil doing his work on me? I thought I was doing ok around 12 and was finishing putting pictures of Carleigh in my album so I could go to bed. Got into bed and asked John if it was me or if it was hot. He said it was hot. Well, that made me feel good, (thought I was having a hot flash, which I haven't started those yet). Laid there a couple more seconds and got up so I wouldn't wake him and here is where I have been . On the computer, thinking it will make me sleepy. It's not working.
So, now my mind is wondering and making me think thoughts of diabetes. Both of my parents have it. I know that I gained some of my weight back, so the sugar and the cholesterol are probably back up there again. So, the mind wonders and then I start to think I have every symptom . Which makes it hard to sleep.
I am going to get with Lisa, (my neighbor) this am to start back at walking like we did before and get back in gear at eating the way we should. Good for me and for John. His cholesterol is high too and need to get it down. I DO NOT want ANYTHING to happen to him. Why does this have to be so hard. I do know that I have it figured out it is NOT a DIET (I hate that word) it is a LIFESTYLE change. I do so want to feel better and look better for my family, but most important ME!!!!! If we (women) don't take care of ourselves then we are no good to our families.
I want to be around for a while anyway. I had lost 25 lbs. and felt great. I walked, and fixed low-fat meals for the 2 of us and walked 6 out of 7 days. And it came off and I felt GREAT. So, back to shopping, fixing, and eating , the things I should be doing for the 2 of us. Think I will be eating oatmeal for a while. Will join the fitness center in Carey for the winter to and work on the machines they have, see if Katrina wants to do it too, since she lives over here now. that way once I start I can keep going.
Isn't it crazy what we let our minds do to us? Think I will try and get some sleep now, first I will say a prayer, that always seems to help me.
So, now my mind is wondering and making me think thoughts of diabetes. Both of my parents have it. I know that I gained some of my weight back, so the sugar and the cholesterol are probably back up there again. So, the mind wonders and then I start to think I have every symptom . Which makes it hard to sleep.
I am going to get with Lisa, (my neighbor) this am to start back at walking like we did before and get back in gear at eating the way we should. Good for me and for John. His cholesterol is high too and need to get it down. I DO NOT want ANYTHING to happen to him. Why does this have to be so hard. I do know that I have it figured out it is NOT a DIET (I hate that word) it is a LIFESTYLE change. I do so want to feel better and look better for my family, but most important ME!!!!! If we (women) don't take care of ourselves then we are no good to our families.
I want to be around for a while anyway. I had lost 25 lbs. and felt great. I walked, and fixed low-fat meals for the 2 of us and walked 6 out of 7 days. And it came off and I felt GREAT. So, back to shopping, fixing, and eating , the things I should be doing for the 2 of us. Think I will be eating oatmeal for a while. Will join the fitness center in Carey for the winter to and work on the machines they have, see if Katrina wants to do it too, since she lives over here now. that way once I start I can keep going.
Isn't it crazy what we let our minds do to us? Think I will try and get some sleep now, first I will say a prayer, that always seems to help me.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Things To Know
With my blog called The Putnam Parade I wondered if I could come up with random things like Holly did. So, here is my attempt for you to know me, my husband, and my family better. I will keep going till my mind draws a blank and see how many I come up with. Let's get started.
1) My birthday is Christmas Day.
2) My grandmother wanted my mother to call me "Christmas Carol" but my mom opted for Linda Carol instead. Good choice, Mom.
3) Favorite color is red.
4) My husband's name is John.
5) Losing weight has always been a struggle for me.
6) I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM!!!!!!!!!!
7) John and I have been married 30 years.
8) Hawaii is our family vacation spot.
9) Maggy is my full blooded registered Rottweiler, a gift from John for my birthday, who is 1 yr old and weighs close to 100 lbs.
10) We have a cabin in Gaylord, MI (5 1/2 hours away) where we love to go to get away from it all.
11) We have lived in Carey 30 years and moved 3 times.
12) Our Master Bedroom is decorated with a tropical theme as well as the master bath.
13) I met John on a blind date and knew right away he was the one for me.
14) Maggy's registered name is May (M) Almighty (A) God's (G) Grace (G) be with You (Y).
15) I get sick on boats. (any kind or size)
16) I color and highlight my hair (not ready for gray).
17) John loves to hunt.
18) I had 2 miscarriages early in our marriage.
19) Katrina was our 1 child born and weighed 6 lb. and 9 oz. She had a dislocated hip when she
was born and she was breech, so I had a c-section and at that time you stayed a week in the
hospital.
20) When I was 7 months pregnant I had my appendix removed. 2 months later I had Holly
She weighed 7lb. 5 oz. and I stayed in the hospital for a week with her (different hospital
too) and received back rubs from the nurses every night. We were the only mother/baby
there all week.
21) I love gardening (flowers mostly), swimming, walking, playing with the grand kids
22) John is a self-employed mason.
23) John hardly ever gets sick, but when he does you know it, he crashes on the couch covered
up.
24) John and I went bowling on our blind date.
25) Singing specials at church is something I LOVE to do. I also have sang at weddings and
funerals. It is a real passion of mine.
26) I have a lot of Sandi Patti CD'S.
27) Being a stay at home mom is equivalent to 2 full time jobs. I think of that when someone
asks me what I do. I get mad when they think I don't do anything because of staying home
but there isn't enough hours in the day to get it all done.
28) I have a suppressed immune system so I get sick very easy, so I get the flu shot every year
and the pneumonia shot every 5 years.
29) John has a Brittney Spaniel who hunts birds, and chases anything that flies or runs fast on
the ground. His name is Ajax.
30) We got engaged Nov, 78' on our way to the funeral home for my grandfather's visitation.
31) I love wearing BRIGHT fingernail polish, anything else looks awful against my skin tone.
32) Spend our summers in our in ground swimming pool, would like it at night more if the bats
wouldn't fly around so much.
33) I love my daughters more than anything in the world.
34) I love the smell of chlorine from the swimming pool.
35) I am a 50 yr. old woman who wears her hair spiked!!! It use to be purple when I was in
my 40's. Loved that too. But, hubby wasn't crazy about the purple, so now I spike it and
it is easier to take care of since it is naturally flat with no body to it at all.
36) I MISS Carleigh SO much!!!
37) Love to ride bicycles.
38) Hate motorcycles!!!
39) Laundry is my favorite chore.
40) My Husband spoils me!!!!! (Right Kids?)
41) I adore my grandchildren and hope we have lots more. (God willing)
42) The girls say my microwave is antique, because it is 1987. Hey, it still works.
43) I didn't get my drivers license until after I was married.
44) Don't mow lawn, John does.
45) Love to hang clothes on the line, especially the bedding.
46) Our house has been taken over again by baby furniture.
47) The girls forbid me to go to baby stores without them because I go crazy buying for
Kyndra and Audrey.
48) We finally have a generator in case the electric goes off, we have used it and it is so nice.
49) I CAN NOT imagine my life without John, He is the LOVE of my life.
50) I get 2 cards for John at Christmas, a funny one for Dec 24, and a serious one for Dec. 25.
51) I Love the Lord for what he has provided for our family. After all, it all belongs to him.
52) We live on 4 acres in the country, surrounded by a woods (not ours) where the red bud
trees line the property, beautiful when they bloom.
53) We have our own "pet cemetery" in the corner of our backyard, by the woods, under a tree,
where 4 dogs "rest in peace" with their name on their own marker.
54) I cried when my daughters went to kindergarten, graduated from high school, and their
wedding day. I cried HARDER when they gave birth to Kyndra and Audrey.
55) I LOVE to shop!! Shopped so long 1 time that when I came out of the stores the street
lights were blinking and I wasn't even tired. Now that is shopping, Ladies!
56) I Hate to dust.
57) I am trying to get into an exercise routine.
58) Family is our most precious asset.
59) Losing Carleigh has been the most difficult thing we have ever had to endure as a family.
60) I want to read the Bible all the way through, Genesis to Revelation.
61) We love our new Nazarene church and church family.
62) I don't drink or smoke. But have trouble breathing because of the second hand smoke.
63) Summer is my favorite season.
64) Favorite number is 7 (don't know why or even it matters)
65)Favorite ice cream is the one we make from our recipe but the store is Moose Tracks.
66) Don't like the cold weather but John likes it.
67) John lifts weights 6 out of 7 days, he has done that since high school and takes an hour.
68) Our house in Carey sits higher in elevation than the hospital in Findlay so, we will never
be flooded like most people. God already sent the flood and promised it 1 time and
Noah and his family survived it. Thanks Noah!
69) Popcorn is my favorite snack food.
70) My granddaughters love chocolate milkshakes.
71) I babysit for Audrey. Wish I could for Kyndra too. (I do when they are here)
72) I walk 2 miles everyday with my neighbor, Lisa. It is nice to do so in the country.
73) John has a field that is to rocky to farm so it was turned into something or wildlife and
it has a pond stocked with fish. waiting for the fish to get bigger so we can go fishing.
74) I like to fish. John will bait the hook and take off the fish. Thanks Honey!!!!
75) Katrina and I are thinking we will join the fitness center in Carey for over the winter.
76) I taught Katrina and Holly to read before they ever went to kindergarten. They were
reading 1st grade level. I want to teach the granddaughters to read too. they have to know
so much before they go to school, so, they might as well have a good start.
77) I am closest to my sister Nancy.
78) I have always had a snack cupboard. Now I keep it stocked for summers and for pool
parties. It is always the first thing that is opened here and the drawer where the candy
is kept. Now, grandchildren are learning about the snack cupboard too.
79) John and I love the older cars we have and love to clean them up and take them to car
shows. We need to do more of that in the summer.
80) I LOVE to have parties and entertain especially in the summer and around the pool.
81) I took piano lessons when I was a little girl and so I mainly play for my own entertainment
and the piano I have was bought for me by my great aunt. Katrina took lessons and she
played on it too. Who knows maybe one the grand kids will to some day.
82) Katrina and Jason were married July 16, 2005 and had a tropical theme for their wedding.
It rained that day (poured rain) and thunderstorms and tornado sirens going off too.
83) Holly and Anthony were married October 1, 2005 and had a roman theme for their wedding
and it was a nice sunny day.
84) Katrina and Holly graduated a year apart, 2 parties close together, 2000 and 2001.
85) We have a nice garden every year (with every good intention) until the rabbits and other
animals get in it. I have always canned and froze my own food. We have our own peach
and pear trees and I can that too. Plus, I make our own applesauce, and John does the
sauerkraut. It is tough to do when it is in the heat of the summer, but the reward is good
when you eat it in the winter. Plus, I know what is in it. My girls were raised on it, I never
bought baby food.
86) The girls shared the same college house where they met Jason and Anthony at another
college house down the street from them. I love my new sons!!!!!
87) I had always wanted to be a nurse, but God chose stay at home mom instead.
88) My grandma always had a saying that went like this, "Why are you spanking their little
butts, crack their hands, it's the hands that get them in trouble." (We only spanked the
girls 2 times growing up)
89) John is a hardworking husband and father. He gets up every morning at 4:30 to take his
daily walk (with Ajax) before going to work. He gets home around 5:30-6pm.
90) We adore our grandchildren and we have taken them to McDonald's.
91) Katrina and Holly were pregnant at the same time, so there were back to back showers,
and then Kyndra was born Jan. 10 and Audrey was born Feb 10. Holly says I love things
back to back and I wouldn't want it any other way. It is nice. Maybe more grand kids back
to back. (hint)
92) My son son-in-laws Jason and Anthony are the sons I never had. Love you Both.
93) I LOVE LIFE because it is complete with God, my family, health, happiness, friends.
94) I LOVE the Lord, my husband, my children with all my heart and soul and would lay
down my life for every one of them.
95) I like Michael W. Smith and Mark Schultz.
96) I hate roller coasters and Cedar Point!!
97) Chinese food is my favorite and Mexican is my least favorite.
98) VBS brought us to the church when the girls were in the 3rd and 4th grade, I don't know
where we would be today as a family without that. I knew sending our girls on a bus for
strangers to watch them at church while we sat at home was wrong. So, we started going
to and we have been going strong for the Lord ever since. I am ever so thankful that we
did. A lot of families pray for their adult children to be in church and we are so blessed
that ours want to be there. All the praise and glory to our Father in Heaven. Amen.
99) I hate to admit this, but, at age 50 I STARTED reading daily devotions, it hit me after
Carleigh was here and knew it was something I needed to do. Don't know why I waited so
long but better late than never. Thank goodness we have a very patient Heavenly Father.
100) John usually sweeps the floors, washes dishes and laundry only when I am sick.
101) The dogs love to get in the pool in the summer time to cool off. Some actually go off the
steps and swim and Maggy stays on the steps and dunks her head. Once we open it, it
will be never ending till it closes. It also serves as a water dish to drink out of.
102) I love chocolate and anything with caramels.
103) I used cloth diapers on both my daughters when they were babies and loved it. Had a lot
of diapers hanging on the line. Maybe that is where Holly gets it from. It really isn't that
hard to do at all.
104) John and I calculated to have our all of our children in our 20's, then when they were
grown up and out of the house we were still young enough to be able to do the things we
wanted to do. It has worked out perfectly. We are back to the 2 of us like it was in the
very beginning of our lives. We have our date nights. I love my life with him.
105) I love taking vacations, but the most important ones are the ones we take as a family, the
things we do together, all of us, whether they be big or small doesn't matter only that
we are all together.
And finally, the thing I saved for last is the thing I preached the most to my girls growing up. It is that I want them to follow the Lord and what he tells us in his word to do, for the work of his kingdom, so that we can all be together as a family when we leave this earth. I don't want any of us to be left behind. Nothing on this earth will EVER be as important as your soul and spending eternity with the Lord and loved ones. I want us all to be there together and now we have our little Carleigh who is waiting there for us, so, it is really important for us now to remember our purpose and why we are here.
1) My birthday is Christmas Day.
2) My grandmother wanted my mother to call me "Christmas Carol" but my mom opted for Linda Carol instead. Good choice, Mom.
3) Favorite color is red.
4) My husband's name is John.
5) Losing weight has always been a struggle for me.
6) I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM!!!!!!!!!!
7) John and I have been married 30 years.
8) Hawaii is our family vacation spot.
9) Maggy is my full blooded registered Rottweiler, a gift from John for my birthday, who is 1 yr old and weighs close to 100 lbs.
10) We have a cabin in Gaylord, MI (5 1/2 hours away) where we love to go to get away from it all.
11) We have lived in Carey 30 years and moved 3 times.
12) Our Master Bedroom is decorated with a tropical theme as well as the master bath.
13) I met John on a blind date and knew right away he was the one for me.
14) Maggy's registered name is May (M) Almighty (A) God's (G) Grace (G) be with You (Y).
15) I get sick on boats. (any kind or size)
16) I color and highlight my hair (not ready for gray).
17) John loves to hunt.
18) I had 2 miscarriages early in our marriage.
19) Katrina was our 1 child born and weighed 6 lb. and 9 oz. She had a dislocated hip when she
was born and she was breech, so I had a c-section and at that time you stayed a week in the
hospital.
20) When I was 7 months pregnant I had my appendix removed. 2 months later I had Holly
She weighed 7lb. 5 oz. and I stayed in the hospital for a week with her (different hospital
too) and received back rubs from the nurses every night. We were the only mother/baby
there all week.
21) I love gardening (flowers mostly), swimming, walking, playing with the grand kids
22) John is a self-employed mason.
23) John hardly ever gets sick, but when he does you know it, he crashes on the couch covered
up.
24) John and I went bowling on our blind date.
25) Singing specials at church is something I LOVE to do. I also have sang at weddings and
funerals. It is a real passion of mine.
26) I have a lot of Sandi Patti CD'S.
27) Being a stay at home mom is equivalent to 2 full time jobs. I think of that when someone
asks me what I do. I get mad when they think I don't do anything because of staying home
but there isn't enough hours in the day to get it all done.
28) I have a suppressed immune system so I get sick very easy, so I get the flu shot every year
and the pneumonia shot every 5 years.
29) John has a Brittney Spaniel who hunts birds, and chases anything that flies or runs fast on
the ground. His name is Ajax.
30) We got engaged Nov, 78' on our way to the funeral home for my grandfather's visitation.
31) I love wearing BRIGHT fingernail polish, anything else looks awful against my skin tone.
32) Spend our summers in our in ground swimming pool, would like it at night more if the bats
wouldn't fly around so much.
33) I love my daughters more than anything in the world.
34) I love the smell of chlorine from the swimming pool.
35) I am a 50 yr. old woman who wears her hair spiked!!! It use to be purple when I was in
my 40's. Loved that too. But, hubby wasn't crazy about the purple, so now I spike it and
it is easier to take care of since it is naturally flat with no body to it at all.
36) I MISS Carleigh SO much!!!
37) Love to ride bicycles.
38) Hate motorcycles!!!
39) Laundry is my favorite chore.
40) My Husband spoils me!!!!! (Right Kids?)
41) I adore my grandchildren and hope we have lots more. (God willing)
42) The girls say my microwave is antique, because it is 1987. Hey, it still works.
43) I didn't get my drivers license until after I was married.
44) Don't mow lawn, John does.
45) Love to hang clothes on the line, especially the bedding.
46) Our house has been taken over again by baby furniture.
47) The girls forbid me to go to baby stores without them because I go crazy buying for
Kyndra and Audrey.
48) We finally have a generator in case the electric goes off, we have used it and it is so nice.
49) I CAN NOT imagine my life without John, He is the LOVE of my life.
50) I get 2 cards for John at Christmas, a funny one for Dec 24, and a serious one for Dec. 25.
51) I Love the Lord for what he has provided for our family. After all, it all belongs to him.
52) We live on 4 acres in the country, surrounded by a woods (not ours) where the red bud
trees line the property, beautiful when they bloom.
53) We have our own "pet cemetery" in the corner of our backyard, by the woods, under a tree,
where 4 dogs "rest in peace" with their name on their own marker.
54) I cried when my daughters went to kindergarten, graduated from high school, and their
wedding day. I cried HARDER when they gave birth to Kyndra and Audrey.
55) I LOVE to shop!! Shopped so long 1 time that when I came out of the stores the street
lights were blinking and I wasn't even tired. Now that is shopping, Ladies!
56) I Hate to dust.
57) I am trying to get into an exercise routine.
58) Family is our most precious asset.
59) Losing Carleigh has been the most difficult thing we have ever had to endure as a family.
60) I want to read the Bible all the way through, Genesis to Revelation.
61) We love our new Nazarene church and church family.
62) I don't drink or smoke. But have trouble breathing because of the second hand smoke.
63) Summer is my favorite season.
64) Favorite number is 7 (don't know why or even it matters)
65)Favorite ice cream is the one we make from our recipe but the store is Moose Tracks.
66) Don't like the cold weather but John likes it.
67) John lifts weights 6 out of 7 days, he has done that since high school and takes an hour.
68) Our house in Carey sits higher in elevation than the hospital in Findlay so, we will never
be flooded like most people. God already sent the flood and promised it 1 time and
Noah and his family survived it. Thanks Noah!
69) Popcorn is my favorite snack food.
70) My granddaughters love chocolate milkshakes.
71) I babysit for Audrey. Wish I could for Kyndra too. (I do when they are here)
72) I walk 2 miles everyday with my neighbor, Lisa. It is nice to do so in the country.
73) John has a field that is to rocky to farm so it was turned into something or wildlife and
it has a pond stocked with fish. waiting for the fish to get bigger so we can go fishing.
74) I like to fish. John will bait the hook and take off the fish. Thanks Honey!!!!
75) Katrina and I are thinking we will join the fitness center in Carey for over the winter.
76) I taught Katrina and Holly to read before they ever went to kindergarten. They were
reading 1st grade level. I want to teach the granddaughters to read too. they have to know
so much before they go to school, so, they might as well have a good start.
77) I am closest to my sister Nancy.
78) I have always had a snack cupboard. Now I keep it stocked for summers and for pool
parties. It is always the first thing that is opened here and the drawer where the candy
is kept. Now, grandchildren are learning about the snack cupboard too.
79) John and I love the older cars we have and love to clean them up and take them to car
shows. We need to do more of that in the summer.
80) I LOVE to have parties and entertain especially in the summer and around the pool.
81) I took piano lessons when I was a little girl and so I mainly play for my own entertainment
and the piano I have was bought for me by my great aunt. Katrina took lessons and she
played on it too. Who knows maybe one the grand kids will to some day.
82) Katrina and Jason were married July 16, 2005 and had a tropical theme for their wedding.
It rained that day (poured rain) and thunderstorms and tornado sirens going off too.
83) Holly and Anthony were married October 1, 2005 and had a roman theme for their wedding
and it was a nice sunny day.
84) Katrina and Holly graduated a year apart, 2 parties close together, 2000 and 2001.
85) We have a nice garden every year (with every good intention) until the rabbits and other
animals get in it. I have always canned and froze my own food. We have our own peach
and pear trees and I can that too. Plus, I make our own applesauce, and John does the
sauerkraut. It is tough to do when it is in the heat of the summer, but the reward is good
when you eat it in the winter. Plus, I know what is in it. My girls were raised on it, I never
bought baby food.
86) The girls shared the same college house where they met Jason and Anthony at another
college house down the street from them. I love my new sons!!!!!
87) I had always wanted to be a nurse, but God chose stay at home mom instead.
88) My grandma always had a saying that went like this, "Why are you spanking their little
butts, crack their hands, it's the hands that get them in trouble." (We only spanked the
girls 2 times growing up)
89) John is a hardworking husband and father. He gets up every morning at 4:30 to take his
daily walk (with Ajax) before going to work. He gets home around 5:30-6pm.
90) We adore our grandchildren and we have taken them to McDonald's.
91) Katrina and Holly were pregnant at the same time, so there were back to back showers,
and then Kyndra was born Jan. 10 and Audrey was born Feb 10. Holly says I love things
back to back and I wouldn't want it any other way. It is nice. Maybe more grand kids back
to back. (hint)
92) My son son-in-laws Jason and Anthony are the sons I never had. Love you Both.
93) I LOVE LIFE because it is complete with God, my family, health, happiness, friends.
94) I LOVE the Lord, my husband, my children with all my heart and soul and would lay
down my life for every one of them.
95) I like Michael W. Smith and Mark Schultz.
96) I hate roller coasters and Cedar Point!!
97) Chinese food is my favorite and Mexican is my least favorite.
98) VBS brought us to the church when the girls were in the 3rd and 4th grade, I don't know
where we would be today as a family without that. I knew sending our girls on a bus for
strangers to watch them at church while we sat at home was wrong. So, we started going
to and we have been going strong for the Lord ever since. I am ever so thankful that we
did. A lot of families pray for their adult children to be in church and we are so blessed
that ours want to be there. All the praise and glory to our Father in Heaven. Amen.
99) I hate to admit this, but, at age 50 I STARTED reading daily devotions, it hit me after
Carleigh was here and knew it was something I needed to do. Don't know why I waited so
long but better late than never. Thank goodness we have a very patient Heavenly Father.
100) John usually sweeps the floors, washes dishes and laundry only when I am sick.
101) The dogs love to get in the pool in the summer time to cool off. Some actually go off the
steps and swim and Maggy stays on the steps and dunks her head. Once we open it, it
will be never ending till it closes. It also serves as a water dish to drink out of.
102) I love chocolate and anything with caramels.
103) I used cloth diapers on both my daughters when they were babies and loved it. Had a lot
of diapers hanging on the line. Maybe that is where Holly gets it from. It really isn't that
hard to do at all.
104) John and I calculated to have our all of our children in our 20's, then when they were
grown up and out of the house we were still young enough to be able to do the things we
wanted to do. It has worked out perfectly. We are back to the 2 of us like it was in the
very beginning of our lives. We have our date nights. I love my life with him.
105) I love taking vacations, but the most important ones are the ones we take as a family, the
things we do together, all of us, whether they be big or small doesn't matter only that
we are all together.
And finally, the thing I saved for last is the thing I preached the most to my girls growing up. It is that I want them to follow the Lord and what he tells us in his word to do, for the work of his kingdom, so that we can all be together as a family when we leave this earth. I don't want any of us to be left behind. Nothing on this earth will EVER be as important as your soul and spending eternity with the Lord and loved ones. I want us all to be there together and now we have our little Carleigh who is waiting there for us, so, it is really important for us now to remember our purpose and why we are here.
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