Thoughts

Wow, Another day gone by, and time ticking as we speak into another new day that awaits us. I look forward to the new days, when you get to my age you are glad to see the new day. LOL
I think sometimes that I am not blogging enough on here like I did before, thinking I need something important to say or write about but, I am reminded by my cousin, Beth, that it is like a journal and I write what I want and when I want, not caring about anything else.
I think what troubles (not even the word I want but lacking another one) me is learning how to travel through my journey and it isn't as hard as Holly's journey but, it is mine none the less. I own it. I do well day to day when I try not to think about it and then WHAM it hits you. Is this how it will be till I die? The grief we feel for losing our little Carleigh, will it be like that for me?
Will others be that consumed someday when I am no longer here? What kind of a legacy will I leave? Never thought of this stuff when I was in my teens and 20's but it is true what they say as we get older we think of our mortality and things to come.
I want my legacy for my daughters and grandchildren to mean something, not just that mom and grandma wore her hair spiked, neon nail polish and bright colored clothes. (although I do and love it). Will they see Jesus in me? I think the grand kids will say "Grandma use to sing Jesus Loves Me to us ALL the time," because I do. When the girls get fussy I start singing and they quit right away and it brings m,e such joy to know that they love it. What else can I give them? I hope so much more and something that they will ALL talk about when they have down moments.
Carleigh has forever touched me, and the remarkable thing is she did that without even taking a breath!!! I hope she remembered me holding her and rocking her in the hospital and singing Jesus Loves Me to her. I am trying to make a memorial spot for her in the house and cant wait till it is done.
Beth, if you read this, I want you to know that you are the one person who I can talk to and you know how I feel and where I am coming from, from a mother and grandmother's point of view and you understand. I only wish you lived closer. Love you cousin!!
My thoughts tonight were to tell you, Carleigh, that grandma hasn't forgotten you and I miss you so much.