A Lovely Visit

Well, today we made a trip to the southern region to see our newest addition to the family. We left home around 7:20 am and was meeting the kids for church (their church). We arrived early so we headed to the cemetery first since we had lots of time. The sun was shining and it was a bit chilly but we pulled in the driveway and got out and honestly didn't mind the cold at all or the wind. Walked over to stone and saw the flowers Holly had put there and how the red ones have faded and saw the angel stone and picked it up and we both held it and then John laid it back down. We walked away and before I got in the truck I turned and said "Carleigh, grandma and grandpa have not forgotten you, we think of you all the time and miss you. We love you baby girl." And turned to get in the truck and watched the stone for some reason as we pulled away to leave. Rounded the corner and there were the horses feeding in the grass.
We pulled out of the cemetery and headed toward the road to head back to the church. Then it hit me as I looked back to see her stone till I couldn't see it anymore and the tears started falling (as they are now). The Christian radio station started to play "Untitled Song" by Chris Rice. Boy, that didn't help any especially when they got to the part that says "Fly to Jesus". I could not hold it in any longer. I know John knew I was crying even though I tried to cover it up by coughing. He is just that way letting me have my moments that I need. Composed myself, fixed myself and moved on.
Arrived at the church and waited for the kids and when i saw them walk through the door my heart leaped for joy. My granddaughters had arrived (well kids too of course). Kyndra was happy to see her grandma and I her. I hugged her and kissed her and held her hand. What a cutie she is. Lainey looked so cute in her dress and sweater that was made for Carleigh. I know Carleigh approves and wants us to go on and be happy as she is for us I am sure.
We had a lovely visit while eating lunch at Damons and then at their house in Lees Creek. It is so nice to go and see the kids and GRANDKIDS. I enjoy my Lovely Visits wherever we are.

Mother's Day 2010

Well, I can't believe it is Mother's Day already and nearing an end at that. Church went well and seeing all the little ones parading around the sanctuary was neat. They are so cute and there are so many of them too. I had a thought of Carleigh not being with us, and it made me sad for a quick moment. but, then a whisper of "Be thankful for what I do have and that what I have is here and healthy" And the little voice is right. Can't change what is but can move forward and enjoy the moments we do have. After all, what is better for Carleigh than being in the best place there ever is, HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!! It's just the steps I was told about, moving forward and then back. I think it will be that way till this life is over. And that is OK each day gets better.
God will be blessing our family with Holly and Anthony's new little girl, Lainey Iris this year and we are so grateful and blessed beyond words. It makes this Mother's Day more special and helps me to realize what being a Mother is all about.
It is the joy and everything that goers with it. Life is not easy and we all have our own trials and tribulations but God is SO good to us all and we just have to keep on loving and giving as HE would.

Anniversary

Wow, Yesterday John and I celebrated our 31 wedding anniversary!!!!!!! We went to the Steer Barn in Upper Sandusky to celebrate thanks to Brian and Dana. Thanks for the gift certificate. As we were heading there I looked at him and said "Well, this time 31 years ago we were getting married". doesn't seem like it has been that long ago but if you ask him he would tell you longer I am sure. Men................ But, the years have been good to us and we are so blessed. God has provided our every need, given us 2 beautiful daughters, 2 wonderful son-in-laws, and VERY precious grandchildren. Sad that we have a granddaughter in heaven before us but God only knows the reason why and I wont question it, it is his plan. I am thankful for meeting her and look forward to the day I can hold her again.
Memories of the wedding were flooding me as we were driving to Upper and putting a smile on my face as I looked at this man across from me whom I love more than anything here on earth. Who says Blind dates don't work? We are living proof that it does. Anything will work if you want it bad enough and willing to work at it. Marriages would all work, if everyone wanted it bad enough and worked hard at it. I am in awe of people who celebrate 50 and more and look forward to that, God willing.
So happy Anniversary my darling and may we have many, many more to come. I love you with all my heart and it grows deeper every day of every year. You are truly my gift from God.

Day Before

Well, this is the day before Carleigh's Birthday. I have been putting off writing anything mainly because I didn't know what to write. I don't know why I have such trouble on here anymore but I do. Anyway, I have been trying to think of what to write and getting the thoughts in order if there is such a thing as order.
We left this morning to go to Wilmington for the birthday /memorial party and my daughter did an excellent job and for all who missed it, you missed something wonderful you can never take back and do over. I am so proud of my daughter for all she has accomplished and been through in a year. She is MY hero. We follow by example and she is sure giving me good ones, I only hope that I can live up to them.
Everything was so perfect (as perfect as it can be), the tables were decorated with white tablecloths and purple balloons, candles and little feet confetti that Holly had made herself. It was so pretty. Carleigh's birthday cake was so pretty and it tasted so good too, I loved it. Good choice kids! The only thing missing was our little girl getting to poke her finger in the cake and making a mess like the other girls did.
We ate and visited with friends and family that took time out of their day to spend it with us and it meant so much. Really touched my heart. Then we wrote our messages on cards Holly had with Carleigh's name printed on a flower petal and tied them to a balloon. We packed up and headed to the cemetery one by one. The only thing missing was the Motter family as our little Audrey was really sick and couldn't come. Poor thing, she was so looking forward to seeing her cousin. Back to story, we filed into the cemetery one by one and walked over to Carleigh's grave and held on to our balloons as Hannah read something she wrote and then we sang "Happy Birthday" to Carleigh and then released our balloons and watched them till they all disappeared from sight.
I thought I had gotten a little tougher in a year but as we drove in the cemetery and I saw her grave, tears welled up in my eyes once again. Flashbacks coming back ever so quickly and visions of that final day saying goodbye.
This grandma's heart will be forever broken as long as I live here on earth. I love my grandchildren with all that I am and love seeing them laugh, cry, stumble, jump, run, talk (love the toddler talk) even potty train. And the sorrow of never being able to have that with Carleigh is just to much to bear.
Oh Lord, even after a year my heart is still broken and I have tried (and still trying) to move forward with the new additions to the family because I know you have everything under control and taking good care of her, far better than we ever could. But, you see this heart that you created feels torn and the tear isn't healing as quickly as I would like it to be. There is a purpose I am sure I just cant figure it out. I am trying in my daily walk to be in the place where you want me to be, I so desperately want to be in Heaven and work at it everyday. But, you already know that.
Thank you for reminding us that you were there with us today by having the "horses" by the fence. Just like the day of the funeral. I don't even have to tell you to take good care of my little granddaughter because I know you are far better than I ever could. But, you know I miss her deeply. Give her hugs and kisses from her grandma on this her special day. Her 1st birthday.
Let her know the flowers we got for cemetery are for her birthday, that's all I could get her.
I love you Carleigh and miss you.-----------All my love forever---Grandma

Mess

Ok, I love the fact that my living room is getting painted and I don't have to do it, but I really hate the drywall dust that comes with it. Even though the plastic is up at the doorways it doesn't help but get through. If anyone has had to go through this you know what I am talking about. Now, it is everywhere and I am going to have to clean the WHOLE house from walls to baseboards to cupboards to shampooing carpets and I am NOT liking it one bit.
This is just the rantings of a woman who hates the mess but will LOVE the end result. I know I cant get to point B without the mess of point A. But, it makes me not want to clean or do anything till after Tuesday when it gets painted. He will sand it again on Monday. So, why bother I am thinking. Although, I do need to do laundry and I LOVE to do laundry (it is my favorite, and I know I am strange for thinking that) don't even feel like doing that. so, I went shopping instead and just got back and bought me some new bed pillows. I feel a little better!!!!

Long Time

I know it has been a long time since the last post and I hope that Eric andKate are doing ok . My thoughts still turn to them but know that healing comes from the strength of our LORD. Miss you and hope we can get together someday. I have been busy but maybe not busy enough to write and keep updated, but I figure I need something great to write and never have anything to say that is of greatness.
My granddaughters still give the greatest pleasure in life and Kinsey will be 4 months old on Friday, March 5. Hard to believe already. And my little Carleigh will soon be approaching the 1 year old mark, which seems more impossible. Still missing her as ever but knowing she is so much better off than me makes me a little jealous and we aren't to be jealous but, how can I not be when she is with Jesus and we are here in this mess we call Earth and daily living? Someday, someday soon....
Well, just a short post to let everyone know I am still here and will post later, promising it wont be a month later, lol.

So Sorry

Man, do I feel bad now. I am so sorry for Kate and Eric and what they have to go through now. Feel bad for my posting earlier. I do know that I KNOW what they are going through. I had 2 miscarriages early in my marriage, so I know the pain she is feeling and the emptiness that she feels inside. I never knew back then what the sex of my babies were because it was so early in the pregnancy. But, I knew that a baby was forming and didn't make it.
We just never know what we will endure do we? Odd, how something so long ago (20+ years) can still affect you when you thought you had pushed it aside and forgotten it. I know that with out a doubt there was reason for mine and that it wasn't meant to be.
Father, Please keep Kate and Eric in your loving care, surround them with your love and compassion and healing. Let them know you are with them and helping them, guiding them. Let them feel your presence around them daily and that they know through this pain they can cry out to you and you will hear them. Bless their family dear Lord and may we give you all the praise and glory. In your precious name, Amen.
Love you all very much. Happy for families that God gives us.

When is it her turn???

Wow, Now Kate and Eric are having a baby too. How exciting for them and extended family. We hope for a healthy baby regardless of the sex God has given them. But, Lord we are waiting too? When is it Holly and Anthony's turn ? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining , I know it is in your time and not ours. But, when is it her turn??

A Year Already????

Seriously, has it been a year already? The calendar says yes, but my heart says no. I am talking about my little granddaughter being 2 already! Today is Kyndra Renee Haas's birthday. Seems like yesterday we were just meeting her for the first time. I am sure her mother is feeling the same way and much more. Time has a way of going so fast now. She wasn't very eventful at Christmas wanting to open her presents, and her birthday was the same. Although she did like the Dora DVD grandpa and I got her.
We had a blast at the museum Saturday and the girls loved it. We took her cousin Audrey with us. I never give up the chance for the two of them to see each other. They play well together and what one doesn't think of the other does. I am glad to see they are close now even though they may not see each other much, they do know each other.
Wow, from a baby to a toddler now. Hard to fathom. Like her mother, she will always be a baby girl to grandma. Happy Birthday Kyndra!!!!!! Still, A Year Already?????

Note

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who read my blog and I hope the New Year will be good to you and your family. May God give you the peace, faith, and love in the New Year.

A Cold Day

Man O Man, it was cold out today. I finished taking down all the Christmas decorations so John could get them up to the attic, (his yearly Christmas chore). Kinda sad taking them all down, I don't know about anyone else but the season goes so fast I would like just once to let them up till the middle of January. But, the only problem with that is he wants to get the stuff back up in the attic, so next year I will just get it down earlier. :)
But, I had everything down and put away and then started the lights. Oh, then I realized that in doing so I had to go outside to get them out of the yard and off the porch. So, I bundled up and took everything off my grapevine tree except the red bows. They are staying up for Valentine's Day. The lights off the tree and bushes came down too but geez it was cold out there and anyone who knows me, knows I shouldn't be out breathing in the cold air!
But I got it done and inside where it was warm. It is also nice to have the garage heated too.
My house is back to normal (whatever normal is) and it looks so bare but will wait and anticipate the next holiday to decorate. I just love to do that.
So, I finished cleaning the house and doing laundry and tried out my new SHARK Steam Mop and it was great but also a little disappointing not doping what I thought it would do. But, I give it a 8 1/2 or 9 on a scale of 10. It beats scrubbing on my knees any day.
Checked the weather for tomorrow and WOW it is going to be a whopping 19 degrees for the high so guess I will be in and with my house done I can sit and read (that would be a first, huh ,Holly) or watch movies or whatever I want because it is just to COLD outside for me!