Well, the weekend is gone now and in a way it did seem to go a little slower or at least that is what I think. But, the van has gone back to Wilmington and in it are my kids and my grand baby, Kyndra, who I miss already. I was playing with her and tickling her and she was laughing so cute and saying DA DA and NO as plain as can be, and now it is DEAD SILENT. The minute I saw the van go down the road I got a tear in my eye because I could hear the silence and hated it. I wanted the laughter and running after them, even though it can be exhausting, I still like it. Maybe it still keeps me young. (well, I try anyway)
Maybe it is getting older that makes me feel the way I do anymore, I sure cant explain it but know something is there and I don't like the feeling at all. I heard there is suppose to be something good about every age. OK, I'm game, what is it? Sometimes I don't understand the feelings that God gave mothers at all, heartache and tears come more quickly than before and I want my children around me all the time not just for a while. (sorry, tears again)
I hope my girls know how much they are loved every day, there could never be enough words for me to describe how much I love my kids and grand kids (even the ones who aren't here yet)and husband, they just have to know. But 1 thing is for sure and proof positive, that I MISS them so much when they are gone. And I miss the pitter patter of little feet and laughter and baby talk. Thank you Lord for all of it no matter how short or long the time. I now long for Audrey to be here , until the 2 of them can be together and playing again.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Time
What is it about time ? We wish we had more of it and there is not enough of it. I am thinking of time when I think of the anencaphaly babies that have passed away. All Parents wish they had more of it, we certainly do with our little Carleigh. I am so happy for the parents that have been given the time with their babies. I know we are not to be jealous of people but, would it be held against us if we were?
I am thinking of the time that all the parents/grandparents have had with their little ones regardless of how much or how little of it there was. We were not even given the chance with our little Carleigh for some unknown reason and we will never know the reason in this lifetime. It hurts, yes indeed, but I know we were given our miracles even in her death. My miracle was that I prayed she wasn't born a purple color and HE gave that to me. I am eternally grateful.
I miss our little one so badly that it comes in waves at times and you never know when it will hit you. It has hit again with the passing of Faith Hope. And it is by no means any one's fault , it is just there.
I hope Myah realizes (and I am sure she does) just how lucky she was to have her baby for 93 days. We would all give everything we own to have that. But , would it be harder? Was that the reason for us? Sometimes, I feel like I would like to know the reason but would it really matter?
We think when we get to heaven we will ask why, but then it will not matter because we are IN HEAVEN where you are happy, healthy, and together!!!
Ah, yes, time not enough of it, and sometimes to much of it, especially when it cause you/me to sit and think or dwell on any thought.
Time is suppose to be my great healer but it seems it is going slow or is it? The months seems to be flying by but yet the clock seems at times to tick v-e-r-y slowly when it comes to mourning.
I will always miss my little granddaughter on this earth till I see her again in our joyous reunion in heaven waiting to hold her in my arms, (of course, after her mother). Till that time arrives, we will wait and enjoy the time we have here on earth with family, friends, and the new friends we have made because of her. Love you my sweet angel!!!!!!!!
I am thinking of the time that all the parents/grandparents have had with their little ones regardless of how much or how little of it there was. We were not even given the chance with our little Carleigh for some unknown reason and we will never know the reason in this lifetime. It hurts, yes indeed, but I know we were given our miracles even in her death. My miracle was that I prayed she wasn't born a purple color and HE gave that to me. I am eternally grateful.
I miss our little one so badly that it comes in waves at times and you never know when it will hit you. It has hit again with the passing of Faith Hope. And it is by no means any one's fault , it is just there.
I hope Myah realizes (and I am sure she does) just how lucky she was to have her baby for 93 days. We would all give everything we own to have that. But , would it be harder? Was that the reason for us? Sometimes, I feel like I would like to know the reason but would it really matter?
We think when we get to heaven we will ask why, but then it will not matter because we are IN HEAVEN where you are happy, healthy, and together!!!
Ah, yes, time not enough of it, and sometimes to much of it, especially when it cause you/me to sit and think or dwell on any thought.
Time is suppose to be my great healer but it seems it is going slow or is it? The months seems to be flying by but yet the clock seems at times to tick v-e-r-y slowly when it comes to mourning.
I will always miss my little granddaughter on this earth till I see her again in our joyous reunion in heaven waiting to hold her in my arms, (of course, after her mother). Till that time arrives, we will wait and enjoy the time we have here on earth with family, friends, and the new friends we have made because of her. Love you my sweet angel!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Another Sad Moment
Holly just gave me word tonight that Myah's little baby girl "Faith Hope" passed away today. Boy, did that hit me. My heart immediately felt such sorrow for her and the pain she must be feeling and the endless tears that are flowing. We have been there and know what they are all going through and the road that lies ahead of them. Just when you think you are doing OK and then something happens and it hits you all over again like a brick (tons of them).
We all can say and will say what a miracle this little girl was to live 93 days. WOW!!!!! Now right there proves there is a much higher power at hand. Has hard as we try we will never in this life time begin to understand why and the meaning of all of this. We just have to trust in our Faith of our Lord and Savior and know he has his hand in it all and he will take care of EVERYTHING.
He never said we wouldn't have trials to endure he said he would be with us and carry us through them, help us in our pain and sorrow, wipe away our tears and lift us up when we are down. I think it is up to those of us who have went through this pain to help others try and walk it too. It may be hard for some since it is fresh in our minds and hearts, but we are to reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ to help with their burden and help them get through the pain we have already been through. Do it together.
If there is any miracle to see in all of this it is that Myah wanted a miracle of her own and by golly she got her miracle. 93 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Father in Heaven, we come to you now to lift up Myah and her family to you and to bring them comfort in the days, weeks and months to come. May they feel your presence and your arms around them carrying them through this difficult time. How it is hard for us to understand why and why it is happening so much. Be with them in the days ahead. Be with the grandparents who are going through their own struggle to lose their granddaughter and having to watch their own daughter cry out to you in her pain. Be understanding Lord, of Myah when she cries out to you in rage, anger,and hurt. We know you are a loving God who fully understands what she is going through. How she will struggle because she had so much time with her little girl and grew more loving everyday of her and watching and hoping for that miracle of life. Help her to understand as the days go by that in her quiet moments with you she realizes the miracle you did give her and will be ever so thankful. Father , We Love you for who you are and what you mean to us and we thank you for never giving up on us and loving us even though we fall short of your glory every day. Now be with Myah and her family and all the other families who have gone down this journey ahead of her and watch over them and protect them. In your precious holy name we pray----------AMEN
We all can say and will say what a miracle this little girl was to live 93 days. WOW!!!!! Now right there proves there is a much higher power at hand. Has hard as we try we will never in this life time begin to understand why and the meaning of all of this. We just have to trust in our Faith of our Lord and Savior and know he has his hand in it all and he will take care of EVERYTHING.
He never said we wouldn't have trials to endure he said he would be with us and carry us through them, help us in our pain and sorrow, wipe away our tears and lift us up when we are down. I think it is up to those of us who have went through this pain to help others try and walk it too. It may be hard for some since it is fresh in our minds and hearts, but we are to reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ to help with their burden and help them get through the pain we have already been through. Do it together.
If there is any miracle to see in all of this it is that Myah wanted a miracle of her own and by golly she got her miracle. 93 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Father in Heaven, we come to you now to lift up Myah and her family to you and to bring them comfort in the days, weeks and months to come. May they feel your presence and your arms around them carrying them through this difficult time. How it is hard for us to understand why and why it is happening so much. Be with them in the days ahead. Be with the grandparents who are going through their own struggle to lose their granddaughter and having to watch their own daughter cry out to you in her pain. Be understanding Lord, of Myah when she cries out to you in rage, anger,and hurt. We know you are a loving God who fully understands what she is going through. How she will struggle because she had so much time with her little girl and grew more loving everyday of her and watching and hoping for that miracle of life. Help her to understand as the days go by that in her quiet moments with you she realizes the miracle you did give her and will be ever so thankful. Father , We Love you for who you are and what you mean to us and we thank you for never giving up on us and loving us even though we fall short of your glory every day. Now be with Myah and her family and all the other families who have gone down this journey ahead of her and watch over them and protect them. In your precious holy name we pray----------AMEN
Untitled
What is it about the sunny days that make us feel so alive and wanting to be busy? At least for me. We had our pool opened for the summer yesterday and when they took the mesh cover off it had 2 big rips in it. Yikes!!!!! So, naturally we had to get a new liner ordered and now it will be 10-14 days and then by the time they put it in and get it filled with water (at least it will be clear and not green like it is) I am hoping it will warm up quickly so we can use it. I think it will. But, the deep end might take longer. The new liner I picked out might help it to heat faster (at least that is what I was told).
So, today we have a wedding to go to for one of the Laotian families we know and we are looking forward to it , they are great people and the food is out of this world. Their is not an egg roll around here that can compare. Plus there will be Puerto Rican food there too (which is new to us) so we are looking forward to that too.
BUT, the biggest of my weekend is that I get to spend time with my beautiful granddaughters,whom I scoop us and cant get enough of kissing them. they get irritated with me cause it is something I do everytime I pick them up. LOL They keep coming back so it must not bother them to much. I want to get some weeding done this weekend to so I can get some flowers planted and get my summer furniture out, clean it and get it painted for the year (it is wicker) my patio looks tropical when it is done. Going to Hawaii makes me want to decorate that way, I love it!!!! So, here is to a productive Memorial Day weekend. Plus, we will take the time to remember all the men and women who serve our country and fight for our freedom , keep them in your prayers and for the people who run this country that they make the right choices for us
So, today we have a wedding to go to for one of the Laotian families we know and we are looking forward to it , they are great people and the food is out of this world. Their is not an egg roll around here that can compare. Plus there will be Puerto Rican food there too (which is new to us) so we are looking forward to that too.
BUT, the biggest of my weekend is that I get to spend time with my beautiful granddaughters,whom I scoop us and cant get enough of kissing them. they get irritated with me cause it is something I do everytime I pick them up. LOL They keep coming back so it must not bother them to much. I want to get some weeding done this weekend to so I can get some flowers planted and get my summer furniture out, clean it and get it painted for the year (it is wicker) my patio looks tropical when it is done. Going to Hawaii makes me want to decorate that way, I love it!!!! So, here is to a productive Memorial Day weekend. Plus, we will take the time to remember all the men and women who serve our country and fight for our freedom , keep them in your prayers and for the people who run this country that they make the right choices for us
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Jibberish
I don't know what she is saying but, I am sure it is something important. I just love to hear babies jabber on about nothing. Their baby talk can make a person smile and laugh till your stomach hurts. (or at least it does me). Kyndra is doing that now and it is so cute and I love it. I ask her questions and talk to her just so I can hear her say something. What a wonderful stage this is, I forgot how great it was till the girls came along.
Audrey is saying words and less gibberish talk. I am beginning to think that since they are 2 unique little girls that in the end they will be right where they need to be and talking up a storm. One thing is for sure they are smart. Grandma has a goal in mind and I want to teach them to read like I did my own girls if given the opportunity to do so. They already know eyes, nose, mouth, ears just by going over them all the time. Told the girls it is time to introduce other parts now. With the girls carrying such heavy workloads I don't mind picking up the slack and help in teaching them.
Katrina told me on Mother's Day she is going to have another baby, and I jumped up and down and started yelling for joy. I couldn't believe it. In my heart I feel God is blessing us in a small way for the pain we are going through missing Carleigh and he is telling us it is OK to go on and be happy, because Carleigh is happy with him until we get there to be with her again.
My mother's prayer is for our new baby to be OK and perfect in God's sight.
Who knows maybe all this gibberish we are hearing is telling us the same thing that she is happy too for the new arrival and anything else we are willing to hear her say. I Love being a Grandmother and Mother!!!!!
Audrey is saying words and less gibberish talk. I am beginning to think that since they are 2 unique little girls that in the end they will be right where they need to be and talking up a storm. One thing is for sure they are smart. Grandma has a goal in mind and I want to teach them to read like I did my own girls if given the opportunity to do so. They already know eyes, nose, mouth, ears just by going over them all the time. Told the girls it is time to introduce other parts now. With the girls carrying such heavy workloads I don't mind picking up the slack and help in teaching them.
Katrina told me on Mother's Day she is going to have another baby, and I jumped up and down and started yelling for joy. I couldn't believe it. In my heart I feel God is blessing us in a small way for the pain we are going through missing Carleigh and he is telling us it is OK to go on and be happy, because Carleigh is happy with him until we get there to be with her again.
My mother's prayer is for our new baby to be OK and perfect in God's sight.
Who knows maybe all this gibberish we are hearing is telling us the same thing that she is happy too for the new arrival and anything else we are willing to hear her say. I Love being a Grandmother and Mother!!!!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Kyndra
This will be a short blog but I wanted to write it. Tonight after eating out with Brad and Kathy
(we went to Olive Garden) I received a phone call from my own house and I answered it and it was my Kyndra. I told her grandma loved her and asked her what was she doing and that I was on my home to see her and she started babbling on and on. It was so cute. I love to hear the girls talk it is such a fun stage right now.
The minute we got home and through the door she heard grandpa say something to coalee (their dog) and I came through the gate and she came running towards me. I threw my purse down and there she was with her arms stretched out and I scooped her up and held her so tight and kissed her a thousand times (well, maybe not that many). She didn't want to let go and she didn't want anyone else either and that made me feel good.
She kept rubbing noses with me and laugh her cute little laugh. I loved it. I am so glad she is here, I have missed all of them so much. This is the first I have seen them since the funeral and I am loving every minute of it.
(we went to Olive Garden) I received a phone call from my own house and I answered it and it was my Kyndra. I told her grandma loved her and asked her what was she doing and that I was on my home to see her and she started babbling on and on. It was so cute. I love to hear the girls talk it is such a fun stage right now.
The minute we got home and through the door she heard grandpa say something to coalee (their dog) and I came through the gate and she came running towards me. I threw my purse down and there she was with her arms stretched out and I scooped her up and held her so tight and kissed her a thousand times (well, maybe not that many). She didn't want to let go and she didn't want anyone else either and that made me feel good.
She kept rubbing noses with me and laugh her cute little laugh. I loved it. I am so glad she is here, I have missed all of them so much. This is the first I have seen them since the funeral and I am loving every minute of it.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Remembering Grandma
I was in the kitchen tonight loading the dishwasher and finishing the rest of the dishes by hand and I had a sink full of plastic bags. Well, this might sound funny to most but i washed and dried those bags and hung them over something to finish air drying for the night. I have to tell you growing up i use to laugh when my grandmother did that. I thought why would anyone ever wash a bag? Just get a new one. Well, with the way things are now in the economy and things getting tight for everyone, I thought of grandma and decided to wash them too just like she did. I have washed them probably 3 times and until they get holes in them I will continue to do so.
Bless her heart she even saved bread ties, and now I do too. She is either laughing at me or thankful she taught me something that stuck. Either way, I love her and miss her. Why is it that we don't appreciate people and things until they are gone? When it is to late we realize that we would give anything and everything up to have it/them back.
We should all be thankful every day for everything and the little things we take for granted. My grandmother, I admit growing up would tend to get on your nerves but she had alot of wisdom and the older I got the more I listened to her. We would say she couldn't hear anything we were saying but she heard every word and pretended she couldn't hear us I think. I loved hearing her stories of growing up and how hard it was. My grandma grew up in the depression and that is how she became a pack rat and didn't throw anything out, her thing was "you might need it someday." She always said we live in a throw away society.
Every time I am in the kitchen now doing something I think of her and would she keep or throw it away. Would she use the celery tops or would she throw away and now I keep them and put them in stir fry that I make. yes, my grandma taught me alot, she just never realized how much I WAS paying attention.
The one thing we did for her was paint her fingernails when she laid in her bed, not knowing if she knew we were there or not but we talked to her anyway. i told her we were painting them just like she wanted. She didn't want to die without looking her best because she never went anywhere without being dressed up. So, we did that for her.
When Hospice (wonderful people) told us she was getting close and we should say our goodbyes,
(not knowing if she could hear us) I leaned over her and told her I love you grandma and she said back as clear as day "I love you too". I then told her to wait by the pearly gates for me and I would see her someday. How I miss my grandma.........but it is in the moments like my kitchen tonight that I take comfort in remembering a wonderful woman.
Bless her heart she even saved bread ties, and now I do too. She is either laughing at me or thankful she taught me something that stuck. Either way, I love her and miss her. Why is it that we don't appreciate people and things until they are gone? When it is to late we realize that we would give anything and everything up to have it/them back.
We should all be thankful every day for everything and the little things we take for granted. My grandmother, I admit growing up would tend to get on your nerves but she had alot of wisdom and the older I got the more I listened to her. We would say she couldn't hear anything we were saying but she heard every word and pretended she couldn't hear us I think. I loved hearing her stories of growing up and how hard it was. My grandma grew up in the depression and that is how she became a pack rat and didn't throw anything out, her thing was "you might need it someday." She always said we live in a throw away society.
Every time I am in the kitchen now doing something I think of her and would she keep or throw it away. Would she use the celery tops or would she throw away and now I keep them and put them in stir fry that I make. yes, my grandma taught me alot, she just never realized how much I WAS paying attention.
The one thing we did for her was paint her fingernails when she laid in her bed, not knowing if she knew we were there or not but we talked to her anyway. i told her we were painting them just like she wanted. She didn't want to die without looking her best because she never went anywhere without being dressed up. So, we did that for her.
When Hospice (wonderful people) told us she was getting close and we should say our goodbyes,
(not knowing if she could hear us) I leaned over her and told her I love you grandma and she said back as clear as day "I love you too". I then told her to wait by the pearly gates for me and I would see her someday. How I miss my grandma.........but it is in the moments like my kitchen tonight that I take comfort in remembering a wonderful woman.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Great Day
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a great day this turned out to be. Katrina and Jason surprised me with "I'm Pregnant". I read that card 3 times before it finally clicked. Then I shouted and screamed, kinda. God is so good. And in the midst of all we have been going through, this was certainly some good news. And it helps me to know that I can feel good about it because Holly knows and she blesses it too. As a mother I want to be happy all the way around but it has to be ok for both of my girls, I don't want to disappoint either one of them . So, this way we are ALL happy.
I know Holly had a rough day today and our prayers are always being lifted for her, and I know God will put that joy back in her heart and a smile on her face again. Never forgetting, but moving on, because we know we can be happy because Carleigh already is.
So, WOW, what a day, this is the best gift I could ever get. With prayers ending my day for my kids, babies, and husband, I can rest easy tonight with the assurance from God everything will be ok. Love my life and all that is in it.
I know Holly had a rough day today and our prayers are always being lifted for her, and I know God will put that joy back in her heart and a smile on her face again. Never forgetting, but moving on, because we know we can be happy because Carleigh already is.
So, WOW, what a day, this is the best gift I could ever get. With prayers ending my day for my kids, babies, and husband, I can rest easy tonight with the assurance from God everything will be ok. Love my life and all that is in it.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A Letter
It is Mother's Day tomorrow and I remember on this same day last year writing a letter to my mother-in-law. I remember wanting to tell her so many things and not knowing how and trying to find the right words. I found something in a book and I wrote that to her. I am sure I added some things of my own but the letter in this book was perfect for me. so, I want to share it with you. It is titled "A Letter to My Mother-in-Law" by Pamela Kennedy.
I know I should have written to thank you years ago, but I was a bit uneasy with our relationship. It was still quite new, and I had never been a daughter-in-law before. I thought perhaps you'd think me unacceptable or lacking in some essential skill. How wrong I was, and that is part of why I want to thank you now.
Thanks for peeking in the pot and never saying "I used to put in more of this and less of that." The year I tried your recipe and wound up with a mess I loved you for not saying a word.
There were times when you watched me nurse a fussy baby or paddle a disobedient behind, knowing I was doing things all wrong. You offered help so graciously, never criticizing-just one mother helping out another. When the children turned to you for aid or sympathy, you always asked, "But what does Mama say?" How I loved you for sending them back to me instead of coveting their love. In return they loved you more as well.
My gratitude is great for the times we made a foolish investment or suffered a self-inflicted disaster, and you were there to lend support. You never said "I told you so!" or second-guessed or scolded us. Perhaps you knew we'd learn our lessons best when freed from outside condemnation.
I remember sharing deep concerns while the guys were on their fishing trips (on Sunday afternoons). You always listened carefully, sorting truth and feelings, leading me to find within myself the answers I didn't know I had. Thank you for helping me grow and learn through gentle conversation instead of sermons laced with bad words.
Was it hard for you never to take sides, to let us alone to discover our own strengths and weaknesses? I'm sure, deep down, your preferences were crystal clear, but you never made them evident to us. How I appreciate you for pushing us together instead of driving us apart.
(Here is a good part) Thanks for all the times you knew my husband better than I and kept your comments sealed behind a smile. Thanks for all the nods that let me know you understood my frustrations with your handsome son. You told me in so many subtle ways that you had to let him go and would not be a rival for his love. I needed that in all my newly-wedded insecurity. You understood and blessed us with a giving heart and not a grasping one. (Now, the best part of all)
I must thank you, too, for all the hours and years of time you spent chipping, sanding,polishing your diamond in the rough---this man you grew is VERY much a GEM to ME.
The tenderness you taught him, the character you helped to form, have made MY husband precious and made my life a joy.
What skill it takes to make a child a man, what courage to give him up to someone else, what grace to be a source of constant love.
When my daughters are grown and find husbands and move away, will you please help me to be to them what you have been to me? Thank you for being a mother-in-love, not just a mother-in-law.
Love,
Your Daughter, Linda
That was my letter to Joyce, (John's mom) and she has indeed been a great mom. Loving me when I am sure at times were hard for her and never saying an unkind word. I hope that I can be and that I am that kind of mother-in-law to my sons Jason and Anthony. In them I finally got the boys I never had. So, to all of my kids, I Love You all very much.
I know I should have written to thank you years ago, but I was a bit uneasy with our relationship. It was still quite new, and I had never been a daughter-in-law before. I thought perhaps you'd think me unacceptable or lacking in some essential skill. How wrong I was, and that is part of why I want to thank you now.
Thanks for peeking in the pot and never saying "I used to put in more of this and less of that." The year I tried your recipe and wound up with a mess I loved you for not saying a word.
There were times when you watched me nurse a fussy baby or paddle a disobedient behind, knowing I was doing things all wrong. You offered help so graciously, never criticizing-just one mother helping out another. When the children turned to you for aid or sympathy, you always asked, "But what does Mama say?" How I loved you for sending them back to me instead of coveting their love. In return they loved you more as well.
My gratitude is great for the times we made a foolish investment or suffered a self-inflicted disaster, and you were there to lend support. You never said "I told you so!" or second-guessed or scolded us. Perhaps you knew we'd learn our lessons best when freed from outside condemnation.
I remember sharing deep concerns while the guys were on their fishing trips (on Sunday afternoons). You always listened carefully, sorting truth and feelings, leading me to find within myself the answers I didn't know I had. Thank you for helping me grow and learn through gentle conversation instead of sermons laced with bad words.
Was it hard for you never to take sides, to let us alone to discover our own strengths and weaknesses? I'm sure, deep down, your preferences were crystal clear, but you never made them evident to us. How I appreciate you for pushing us together instead of driving us apart.
(Here is a good part) Thanks for all the times you knew my husband better than I and kept your comments sealed behind a smile. Thanks for all the nods that let me know you understood my frustrations with your handsome son. You told me in so many subtle ways that you had to let him go and would not be a rival for his love. I needed that in all my newly-wedded insecurity. You understood and blessed us with a giving heart and not a grasping one. (Now, the best part of all)
I must thank you, too, for all the hours and years of time you spent chipping, sanding,polishing your diamond in the rough---this man you grew is VERY much a GEM to ME.
The tenderness you taught him, the character you helped to form, have made MY husband precious and made my life a joy.
What skill it takes to make a child a man, what courage to give him up to someone else, what grace to be a source of constant love.
When my daughters are grown and find husbands and move away, will you please help me to be to them what you have been to me? Thank you for being a mother-in-love, not just a mother-in-law.
Love,
Your Daughter, Linda
That was my letter to Joyce, (John's mom) and she has indeed been a great mom. Loving me when I am sure at times were hard for her and never saying an unkind word. I hope that I can be and that I am that kind of mother-in-law to my sons Jason and Anthony. In them I finally got the boys I never had. So, to all of my kids, I Love You all very much.
Holiday
Well, tomorrow is another card day---well, to be more exact "Mother's Day". Boy, this day for here is going to be a bit chilly but warm in the heart.... I wish Holly were here to help celebrate the day but that isn't possible. So, Happy Mother's Day to you my darling daughter and be kind to yourself. When you visit Carleigh's grave, will you please tell her that her grandma misses her and loves her so much. Give Kyndra a hug for me and tell her that grandma loves her too.
I am sure I've said it before but, I will say it again till the day I die---------- I love being a mother, I love my 2 beautiful daughters, I love my granddaughters (hopefully more grandchildren someday). there was nothing I wanted more as a little girl growing up than to be a mother. I thought I asked for the wrong thing when early in my marriage I had 2 miscarriages but, God knew my dream and wishes, and he granted me the most precious thing he could. A BABY!!!! I never really knew the scope of it all when I was pregnant with the girls because I was in the moment and going through the motions so to speak. But, when Katrina and Holly were pregnant it hit me because I had more time to focus on the big scope of it all.
When you think of a baby from conception to birth, WOW, what an amazing gift. The idea of growing inside you (that was my favorite part too, the kicking) and every little part that is so perfect, it is just so hard to comprehend it all. but, being a mother is more than giving birth. It is about raising this little person into an adult. The sickness in the night, the crying, the feedings, the bumps and bruises, etc. all of it. Motherhood is the greatest thing.
I was so ever fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids and that was something I will NEVER regret. I know my daughters wish they could do the same but, times are different now but they love their daughters just as much and it shows. Everything they do makes me so proud and knowing I had a part in it makes me happy beyond words. I love you my daughters.
yes, their is an industry out there who likes to create any holiday they could just to make a card for it, but Mother's Day is one to be celebrated because we raise the future of the world. Hopefully, with a little kindness , love, and compassion for the world we live in.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL !!!!! Be kind to yourself and enjoy the day.
I am sure I've said it before but, I will say it again till the day I die---------- I love being a mother, I love my 2 beautiful daughters, I love my granddaughters (hopefully more grandchildren someday). there was nothing I wanted more as a little girl growing up than to be a mother. I thought I asked for the wrong thing when early in my marriage I had 2 miscarriages but, God knew my dream and wishes, and he granted me the most precious thing he could. A BABY!!!! I never really knew the scope of it all when I was pregnant with the girls because I was in the moment and going through the motions so to speak. But, when Katrina and Holly were pregnant it hit me because I had more time to focus on the big scope of it all.
When you think of a baby from conception to birth, WOW, what an amazing gift. The idea of growing inside you (that was my favorite part too, the kicking) and every little part that is so perfect, it is just so hard to comprehend it all. but, being a mother is more than giving birth. It is about raising this little person into an adult. The sickness in the night, the crying, the feedings, the bumps and bruises, etc. all of it. Motherhood is the greatest thing.
I was so ever fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids and that was something I will NEVER regret. I know my daughters wish they could do the same but, times are different now but they love their daughters just as much and it shows. Everything they do makes me so proud and knowing I had a part in it makes me happy beyond words. I love you my daughters.
yes, their is an industry out there who likes to create any holiday they could just to make a card for it, but Mother's Day is one to be celebrated because we raise the future of the world. Hopefully, with a little kindness , love, and compassion for the world we live in.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL !!!!! Be kind to yourself and enjoy the day.
Devotions
Why would I use this title for my post? If there is one thing that my little granddaughter taught me it is to be closer to our Savior. You see, I Never did devotions (hate to admit that, but God wanted me to come clean on that) and I have made a commitment to do them now everyday. So today it was about "Why acceptance spells peace" Philippians 4:5-13. It started out by saying that no one ----not even a child of God escapes some trials. And boy, have we all had them. What are our options? It says we can resist and complain or we can take it from our Father and accept it. THERE is a sure formula for peace! It goes on to say that built in our acceptance is our acknowledgement that God is working out HIS will.
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
God gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
How true this is. Why is peace the reward for acceptance? God knows what is best for us, and it's no idle whim when he bids us, "IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS". My devotion book goes on to say that God doesn't have to explain himself to us and his workings in our lives. How true is this statement! The open secret? ACCEPTANCE. The end of my devotional page says that such an attitude may not prolong our lives, but it will make them more serene.
In Philippians 4:8 it says to keep our minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. And in verse 9 in says "And God, who gives peace, will be with you."
What an awesome thought, that he will be with us through everything. I am so glad that a little baby led me to reading the word of God , and daily prayer. Thank you, Carleigh!!!
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
God gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
How true this is. Why is peace the reward for acceptance? God knows what is best for us, and it's no idle whim when he bids us, "IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS". My devotion book goes on to say that God doesn't have to explain himself to us and his workings in our lives. How true is this statement! The open secret? ACCEPTANCE. The end of my devotional page says that such an attitude may not prolong our lives, but it will make them more serene.
In Philippians 4:8 it says to keep our minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. And in verse 9 in says "And God, who gives peace, will be with you."
What an awesome thought, that he will be with us through everything. I am so glad that a little baby led me to reading the word of God , and daily prayer. Thank you, Carleigh!!!
Friday, May 8, 2009
When Will It Get Better
As I sat tonight to read Holly's letter to Carleigh it just brought back a flood of tears. When will it get better? I am traveling down the road now of 2 or 3 days good and then slipping back to a bad one, just like my sister-in-law said I would and I don't like it. When will it get better? I still have these feelings that I am not suppose to feel this way, I am ONLY the grandmother and that my daughter is more entitled to this pain than I am. After all, she IS the mother. But, then I think , wait, just because I am older doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel this hurt, pain, anger, anguish, bitterness, emptiness, etc. It is part of the process right?? But, when will it get better?
I know that time is the only thing on my side, and sometimes I wish time would fast forward quickly so we could feel like we did before Carleigh was born. Happy with anticipation, smiles, laughter, etc. But, yet on the other hand if that happens then I feel a part of me might forget her and I don't want that to ever happen. Why does a woman have these tender longing feelings of compassion and love more it seems. Men have them too but, it lingers in a woman's heart for so long. If this sounds like I am repeating myself forgive me, because I am crying and trying to see the keys.
I had always wanted to be a mother growing up not knowing it would feel like this and I truly love my daughters more than life itself (I hope you can feel that in my writing) and the joy they have both given me through the years and then to make me a grandma was even a greater joy and if you ever saw , or would see, the pictures of me holding Carleigh after her birth you would understand.
A moment I will never forget as long as I live was when I came to the room as fast as I could to see my daughter and Carleigh after the birth and when I walked in that room and saw my daughter's face ( a look etched in my memory forever) I truly wanted to die, she was so broken and my heart felt like it collapsed. I think Holly knew at that moment, how HER mother truly felt about her new granddaughter. It broke me into pieces unimaginable. I think Holly knew at that moment what being a grandma meant to me. Oh, my precious, precious, Carleigh.
And I will be totally honest, when I held her I didn't want to let her go, but knew I had to. There is not a day go by that I don't think of her and miss her terribly.
Another honest fact, this life is hard when we know what we have to do , to get to heaven. Every day is a struggle and should it be? Should it be if we are Christians? I only know that I want to be there to see her and I know God isn't finished with me yet here on earth. So, until then I will do what God calls me to do and work hard at it. And in the mean time will ask "When will it get better"?
I know that time is the only thing on my side, and sometimes I wish time would fast forward quickly so we could feel like we did before Carleigh was born. Happy with anticipation, smiles, laughter, etc. But, yet on the other hand if that happens then I feel a part of me might forget her and I don't want that to ever happen. Why does a woman have these tender longing feelings of compassion and love more it seems. Men have them too but, it lingers in a woman's heart for so long. If this sounds like I am repeating myself forgive me, because I am crying and trying to see the keys.
I had always wanted to be a mother growing up not knowing it would feel like this and I truly love my daughters more than life itself (I hope you can feel that in my writing) and the joy they have both given me through the years and then to make me a grandma was even a greater joy and if you ever saw , or would see, the pictures of me holding Carleigh after her birth you would understand.
A moment I will never forget as long as I live was when I came to the room as fast as I could to see my daughter and Carleigh after the birth and when I walked in that room and saw my daughter's face ( a look etched in my memory forever) I truly wanted to die, she was so broken and my heart felt like it collapsed. I think Holly knew at that moment, how HER mother truly felt about her new granddaughter. It broke me into pieces unimaginable. I think Holly knew at that moment what being a grandma meant to me. Oh, my precious, precious, Carleigh.
And I will be totally honest, when I held her I didn't want to let her go, but knew I had to. There is not a day go by that I don't think of her and miss her terribly.
Another honest fact, this life is hard when we know what we have to do , to get to heaven. Every day is a struggle and should it be? Should it be if we are Christians? I only know that I want to be there to see her and I know God isn't finished with me yet here on earth. So, until then I will do what God calls me to do and work hard at it. And in the mean time will ask "When will it get better"?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Small Quote
I found this Quote somewhere on Holly's blog or email???? But, I liked it so I wanted to write it down so I wouldn't forget it. It goes something like this.....
"The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again." by Jimi Hendrix
When I read it at first , it was just words that caught my eye. But now it has more meaning to me since the death of my granddaughter, Carleigh. I am trying my hardest here on earth to do what I NEED to do so I can see her again in Heaven. I love you, Carleigh!!!!
Just a note from the anniversary blog: We ate at "Red Lobster" to celebrate our 30 years and next time I am getting the dessert first!!!!!
"The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again." by Jimi Hendrix
When I read it at first , it was just words that caught my eye. But now it has more meaning to me since the death of my granddaughter, Carleigh. I am trying my hardest here on earth to do what I NEED to do so I can see her again in Heaven. I love you, Carleigh!!!!
Just a note from the anniversary blog: We ate at "Red Lobster" to celebrate our 30 years and next time I am getting the dessert first!!!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Anniversary
WOW!!!!!!!!! I can hardly believe it that on Tuesday, May 5, we will be married 30 years. Yes, you heard me right, 30 years!!!! Do you have any idea in this day and age what a great accomplishment that is. Time has flown by and it is so easy for me to close my eyes and in my mind it is my wedding day. 6 girls dressed in pastel colored dresses (pink, yellow, lt. green, purple, lt.blue, peach) and all the guys wearing white tuxes with matching ruffled shirts (to match the dresses) and my handsome groom all in white. Of course, my dress was all white too.
The perfect pastel wedding just like I dreamed. I remember my parents went all out, after all this was the first big wedding of the family and the cost----$3,000. Was alot then... My how times have changed.
No regrets. To back it up, we met on a blind date, and on our blind date we went bowling with friends, to help break the ice, we were both a LITTLE shy back then, (I know it is hard to believe) and then we got engaged on November of 78'. ( I wont forget it, he had asked my dad if he could marry me and of course they gave their blessing. ) We stopped in Leipsic at Hilver's Jewelry to pick up our rings and we were headed to Continental to the funeral home because my grandfather had passed away. John wanted to wait, but I said no because it wasn't going to change a thing and my grandmother wouldn't have wanted us to put it off. We picked them up and when we got back in the car to leave he asked me the question and I said YES,I was so in love then and so incredibly happy at that moment.
Then all the planning started. Then on May 5, 1979 we were married at McComb Church of Christ and the journey began. The reception was fun and the cake was huge with a fountain in the middle. The only regret we have is that we didnt stay until the very end. We left the reception and headed back to my parents house to change to start our honeymoon trip. We went to Virginia Beach and believe me in May it is not very nice, at least it wasn't back then. It was cold and rainy, and the beach was dirty. To make a long story short, we came home early because I came down with a UTI and it hurt so bad the long ride home was painful.
Got home and stopped in McComb to see everyone before we headed to our new home in Carey where we have lived ever since. Opened our gifts when we got home and received alot of nice things to set up housekeeping and today we STILL have 26 of those gifts.
My parents told me "that when I find the right one I will fall hard" Not sure what they meant by that at that time, but now I do. A blind date that has turned into 30 years of absolute happiness. Full of Love, Respect, Honesty and lots of Communication. I can count on 1 hand how many times we have fought to date. We don't fight over the little things. We have learned over the years that life is to important and precious.
The 3 people who I credit for giving me this wonderful man is God, without him I have nothing.
His mother, who raised him to be a man of honor, integrity, honesty, someone who people admire because of who he is as a man. And our brother-in-law Buck who set that blind date up in the first place. (of course, I am sure he had help from God).
I realize today in the society we live in, that the kind of marriage we have is in the minority, not the majority like it use to be. People tend to forget that marriage is a lot of work. 100% giving of 2 people not 1. It is with CHRIST as the center of our life and LOVE that holds it all together.
The best way I can explain what John means to me is the love I have for him has grown more deeply with every passing year and God willing we have lots. But, if for some reason GOD would call him home (here is where it gets deep) I love him so very much that my world would be broken and it would be hard for me to go on. Now, if you think about it, that is a deep deep love that is hard to find these days.
I Love you my Darling and Happy Anniversary, and to many, many, more. xoxoxox
The perfect pastel wedding just like I dreamed. I remember my parents went all out, after all this was the first big wedding of the family and the cost----$3,000. Was alot then... My how times have changed.
No regrets. To back it up, we met on a blind date, and on our blind date we went bowling with friends, to help break the ice, we were both a LITTLE shy back then, (I know it is hard to believe) and then we got engaged on November of 78'. ( I wont forget it, he had asked my dad if he could marry me and of course they gave their blessing. ) We stopped in Leipsic at Hilver's Jewelry to pick up our rings and we were headed to Continental to the funeral home because my grandfather had passed away. John wanted to wait, but I said no because it wasn't going to change a thing and my grandmother wouldn't have wanted us to put it off. We picked them up and when we got back in the car to leave he asked me the question and I said YES,I was so in love then and so incredibly happy at that moment.
Then all the planning started. Then on May 5, 1979 we were married at McComb Church of Christ and the journey began. The reception was fun and the cake was huge with a fountain in the middle. The only regret we have is that we didnt stay until the very end. We left the reception and headed back to my parents house to change to start our honeymoon trip. We went to Virginia Beach and believe me in May it is not very nice, at least it wasn't back then. It was cold and rainy, and the beach was dirty. To make a long story short, we came home early because I came down with a UTI and it hurt so bad the long ride home was painful.
Got home and stopped in McComb to see everyone before we headed to our new home in Carey where we have lived ever since. Opened our gifts when we got home and received alot of nice things to set up housekeeping and today we STILL have 26 of those gifts.
My parents told me "that when I find the right one I will fall hard" Not sure what they meant by that at that time, but now I do. A blind date that has turned into 30 years of absolute happiness. Full of Love, Respect, Honesty and lots of Communication. I can count on 1 hand how many times we have fought to date. We don't fight over the little things. We have learned over the years that life is to important and precious.
The 3 people who I credit for giving me this wonderful man is God, without him I have nothing.
His mother, who raised him to be a man of honor, integrity, honesty, someone who people admire because of who he is as a man. And our brother-in-law Buck who set that blind date up in the first place. (of course, I am sure he had help from God).
I realize today in the society we live in, that the kind of marriage we have is in the minority, not the majority like it use to be. People tend to forget that marriage is a lot of work. 100% giving of 2 people not 1. It is with CHRIST as the center of our life and LOVE that holds it all together.
The best way I can explain what John means to me is the love I have for him has grown more deeply with every passing year and God willing we have lots. But, if for some reason GOD would call him home (here is where it gets deep) I love him so very much that my world would be broken and it would be hard for me to go on. Now, if you think about it, that is a deep deep love that is hard to find these days.
I Love you my Darling and Happy Anniversary, and to many, many, more. xoxoxox
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