Doctor Visit

I remember going to the doctor with Holly for Kyndra's checkup. She is grandma's sweet thing and I love her so much. But, we are in the waiting room and I am helping Kyndra play on the slide (which she loves) until it is time for them to go back. They finally get called back and I am sitting there just reading the magazine I found.
In those moments of waiting I start to think of Carleigh, and I start to cry. I am fighting a cold so people around me have no idea I am crying, which makes it easier for me. But, as I sat there I watched people come and go, mostly mothers with their babies and there are so many coming through the doors and I wish Carleigh was with us and that was Holly. The more that kept coming the harder it was.
I was happy for them and their healthy babies, just longing I guess for what we didn't have. There are a lot of people who might think it is time for me to get over it and move on, after all I am not the mother, just the grandmother. But, it hurts so much and I don't care what people think, this is MY pain, this is MY grief, this is a grandma's journey, MY journey. And if it takes me awhile to get through it, so be it. Pain and sorrow cannot have a timetable which is determined by people/strangers. It is something that is felt with the whole heart and soul and given time we learn to cope and heal on our own.
I wiped my tears and nose just in time to hear this familiar sound coming from a little voice and I looked up from my magazine and grandma's little girl was looking through the glass of the door at me. So, I put down the magazine and went to the door to get her, with her arms stretched out for me to take her and I held her and kissed her and put her back on the slide.